day in a life

Well it's a Sunday and almost ten in the morning. My son is watching cartoons and I have been reading a bit and of course drinking coffee, a lot. It's odd how loneliness has nothing to do with who you are with. My brother is living with me for a while and I don't think I have been this alone in a long time. I like having him, I mean I do miss being alone at night and when my son is with his dad but it is very nice to have someone to talk to when I have something on my mind.

I like being alone, I like it a whole lot but now when I am rarely alone I feel like I want something more what I have... The mind is a very odd thing, always wanting something that isn't there. If I were in a relationship I would probably miss my alone time or find something else to feel bad about.

There is a contradiction in this cause I don't want to go out and meet anyone and whenever someone has told me they have 'the perfect guy' for me I say no thanks, mainly cause I don't think anybody else can find a guy for me. I have put up many obstacles in my head. The last time I was set up on a blind date it was my ex and even though we have a great kid together, he was in no way a good match for me. That is one obstacle, another is that my dad died when I was young and I can't imagine going through what my mom went through, she was 39 years old when she became a widow with three kids. Relationships are a huge risk, not only is there a possibility that you will be hurt, something like death or an accident could happen too.

I sometimes wish I were a Vulcan, pon farr only happens every 7 years (not that I am thinking in that exact way...) I could be logical and observant the rest of the time with no thought of this odd and complex thing called 'a man'.

Well school is going great so that's something...