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Any loss is a shame my friend. Perhaps she will find the peace that it sounds as if she did not have in life. Keep working on forgiveness. I am finding one must not always need to forget to do so... merely accept.

I'm so sorry mtpspur for the inner turmoil that only you know which has surfaced upon the death of Rosaline.

I am sorry, Rich. You are kind to think of her, and I feel the pain the chasm in your family still causes you. If I could help you heal from the pain your stupid brother has caused you, I would.

Know that you are loved-the Long Suffering One, your kids, and us.

Thank you--all of you for kindness. On a good day I feel my brother's downfall was TOO much expected of him growing up and he began hiding his weaknesses with lies and bluster to where im the end -- that is all that is left. My guttersnipes have NO idea of the toll my youth took on me and the family--some issues are never resolved this side of the grave. I decided years ago good bad or indifferent and there is much of all three they would or OUGHT to know who I am and what I am. I believe in a merciful God --I also believe anything is possible--even a grumpy dionsaur can appreciate finer things. I live in hope and am mostly content. One secret I can share that may expain a FEW things--when I was 11 or so I was dying (did not know it at the time) of a serious kidney infection. My brother was so annoyed at the attention the 'baby' of the family was getting he ran away from home. He actually made it around a hundred miles. This little incident was kept a very close secret until at my father's funeral Don was venting and shared that little bit of vemon. I remember sneering and considering him not greatly surprised. I don't care enough to hate him for it which axctually bothers me. A very dangerous thing--indifference. The start of a cold and empty heart--the kiss of death to any sort of spiritual life. Thank you all for listening--this is not a rant--just a slice of life--such as it is.

That's kind of you for Roseline. But you know ultimately you should make peace with your brother. You don't have to be friends. You can't wish your own brother unhappiness. People change over time, and even if he hasn't changed, he's still family. A simple note if you don't wish to call might just be the touch that changes hearts.

In many ways, making peace with your brother is about making peace with yourself and which comes first? How you achieve this is deeply personal and I don't think there is a listing in the whitepages for that one. It's inside of you and all you can ask of yourself in your lifetime is what might you do to give yourself this gift. You also have the freedom to make your own choices and not feel judged by the decisions you make.

My kindest regards to you at this time.

Delta and Virgil--you both make genrous hearted appeals. I at least have peace of mind in one area--I feel little regret about my relationship with my brother. This is said with the admission that in itselfthis not a good thing. On the other hand I do not HATE him--he is too pathetic for that and the real blame --if any--would be more directed at my parents for which i ahve good days and bad days over. I have come to accept with no good grace and a very real regard for the commandmemt to HONOR your mother and father in SPITE of their their faults--lack of displaying love being the primary factor--their words rang hollow when judgement seemed always dealt out harshly and with little mercy. My brother made his choices--and I made mine--mostly involving staying gainfully employed by the Air Force for 21 years and rarely coming home. Peace will be ultimately found in Heaven though Ifear the accounting on Judgement Day greatlywhen all the secrets come out. But I believe in a merciful God and perhaps someday mybrother may as well. Thank oyu both for the well wishes and the blessngs and to all who ansewreed--thank oyu all. I have peace that CERTAIN people esteem me and am content--mostly.

This was a touching blog post, old man. The episodic sentences expressed an honest emotional collision: sorrow, forgiveness, remorse, faith, long-standing tension. . .all bumping into each other.

All my best to you.

I am very sorry to hear of your life-long family burden. It reminds me too much of situations in my own (parent's) family. Life ought to be more worth living than we frequently have to put up with, we wish. Prayer is one thing that comes to mind even though one might not like the answer.
Try praying, perhaps, for an answer about what to do. And then try to listen to that first small still voice that is the answer.
I get answers to prayers and sometimes they are hard to take.
Maybe you will, too, and maybe also find the answer hard to take.
But it's worth a try, and can't hurt.
And, no matter what, I hope something breaks the log-jam for you.
You'll be in the prayers of this stranger.
Sincerely.

Morden--Comedian and the rest---YOU all are the answers to prayers for peace and comfort. I often wonder at God's providences and certainly at His mercies--my sins are regular and dark but at the end of the day I do KNOW thta I have bene loved and respected by very special people thta have come (and gone) out of my life. It will always be a pity my family and I are so apart and that I DO most certainly blame my parents but they are in another place i n eternity now---and God help me I fear the reunion. Isaigh 26:3 generally gets me thru things. Thank oyu --all of iyu here at Litnet and yes--even a long lost moderator who is still gentle on the mind. My affectioins are given to few and RARELY withdrawn--though that too has happened but not after a struggle of years. People change--sigh

People do change. I wonder if age has anything do with it and I don't mean that in a disrespectful way. My father died 3 years ago. We were pretty estranged but I was at his bedside holding his hand when he died. Amazing experience for me because it taught me just how enduring love is despite all those years of estrangement. I made a last minute decision to go to the hospital and face him. I'm 44 and I wouldn't have done that if I had been younger and angrier. It released me from alot of stuff that I had been carrying around to know that I loved him enough to leave my baggage at the door, knowing that it just didn't matter anymore. Of course I had to sort through afterward but at that moment my love for my father was the only thing that shone in that room and it really is a precious gift. The rest is just old laundry. I hope that makes sense.

Oh it does and know this--I am very glad oyu were able to do that. I did not get the opportunity but on the other hand I rarely sought it out as I tend to take one -two at the most rejections then move on. My father's life revolved around worshiping my mother--my mother's revolved around BEING worshipped. No room for the kids. The second to last visit with my father earned me a I don't give a damn about anything you think. The context was I had irritated Mom by arriving late--long story and she took it out on me and I lashed back--for a change. There were reasons I stayed i n the miltary and having a good excuse not to be home was one of them. Just saying. Your input is appreciated--as always thank you. The final visiit--next day--was cold and polite and meaningless. It is what it is. God is still good--and merciful.

Yes He is. We all have different stories, different paths but perhaps they all lead to the same destination. You sound like you have a great deal of faith mtpspur for which I am glad. I'm sure mine will increase with time...

Oh my faith is there but very fragile. I do know this The Lord Christ is merciful AND His ways reallty are past finding ot. My life has never gone the way I thoght it would. Thanks for everything.