day in a life

I find that meditating in the bath helps me stay relaxed for most of the day. Maybe you could look up some transcendental meditation on the internet and try and do it, it is the most relaxing thing I have ever done, and gives you perspective. It's got a lot to do with focusing on your breath, so you might take to it quite well.

It sounds like your son really loves you when he sees you are getting angry and tells you to breathe. And you sound like a good Mom to be wanting to be with him so often, even if it means sacrificing your studying, but yes taking some time to yourself is always good.

And I hate my birthday too. I hate it when people are excited about your birthday and you just want them to be quiet and to pass the day as though it were any other.

I hope you feel better about this stuff soon. And happy birthday! hehe.

That's interesting Helga. I too manage my feelings better if I write them down. Sometimes the act of writing itself is enough, its a cathartic process which helps me, perhaps by slowing down, process how I really feel. I often have a notebook handy, and if anyone were to read my notebook I would probably come across as depressive, neurotic, paranoid and in need of serious psychological assistance. But in my daily life I can be settled, largely because I am able to process my feelings in a safer environment.

As far as anger goes, I think that often anger is a loss of control response, or rather it occurs when we have the feeling that we're losing control of our environments. I think it's important to say that it's quite okay to get angry, the important part is learning how to outlet your anger in a way that does not destroy you or the people around you. So you just need some strategies. The going away and breathing it out idea is a good one. I also find that exercise is good, as it helps you burn your adrenalin so you kind of wear out the anger. Or doing something else, something distracting that doesn't really involve thinking is good - like housework or cooking (chopping things can feel good but can be dangerous, kneeding dough is good) or anything like that that is repetitive can be quite soothing.

I don't think it's a bad thing that your son sees you get mad. Children need to learn how to recognise and deal with threatening situations and as his parent you will naturally do as much as you can to ensure that your anger does not hurt your son. Someone outside of your safe family environment isn't going to be so generous. So if he can learn to recognise when you're angry and learn how to handle himself (as it sounds like he can) then he's better equipped to learn to recognise anger in other people and handle himself there too. I don't think completely hiding when you get angry from him is necessarily the best thing to do. Anyway, I bet if you asked him what kind of Mum you are he wouldn't say angry first. I bet he'd say a lot of other things (kind, funny, clever, etc etc) first

I know your right fifth and it's not like I'm an angry person in any way and this is rare but when I do feel like I am getting angry I have a few quotes I go over in my head and breath. It's manly the guilt that bothers me. This is just the only thing about me that bugs me and I feel like this is a bump in the road that I need to figure out how to cross so I can move on.

I have thought about meditation and I know my brother meditates every day and it has helped him a lot and I have often thought about it. maybe I'll try it

Like you said fifth if anyone read my notebooks they would get a very bad image of me but that is just because I have a bigger need to write down and sort out the negative than the positive.

Helga hang in there. You can bend our ears anytime! This is one great use of a blog!

P-s-s-t, Helga, there has been so much yelling in my family that for awhile I was sure that that was the only way we were ever going to communicate with each other. This was mostly durin their teen years, although I raised my voice *cough cough* occasionally when they were younger, too.We are not perfect, and life isn't either. It's all about accepting oneself and one's flaws (and then working on them), and figuring out how to communicate respectfully, all of which you are doing a fine job of grappling with. An awesome job, in fact.

My sons still seem to love me. A lot, in fact. Which has made moving into this next phase of our lives even more gratifying.

At home I'm learning to give myself a bit of a time out until I calm down, and also to stick to the topic at hand, which is a little harder.

Helga, I think the fact that you are questioning and putting as much thought into being a mom says a LOT about the type of mom you are. I finally gave up trying to be perfect and just started to be me about the time my oldest hugged me and told me I was the "best" even after a day of arguing and what seemed endless stress to me. Seems as angry as I can get, as impatient or strict at time, both my children know that it's only because I love them so much. As for wanting to spend time with your son... I don't really see anything wrong with that. Especially when you take into account the time he's with his dad, he's likely gone fairly often. I'm getting to the point that I hate to let mine have sleepovers

your a wise lady Ladyluck, thanks.