day in a life

This morning I woke up a few minuets before my alarm rang. I had been awake for afew minutes when my son, who had climbed into my bed during the night, started crying in his sleep. I hugged him and said everything was OK to calm him down. He woke up and told me about his nightmare. It was about his dad and he said that his dad just left and he got a new dad and it was just awful. when he had calmed down he explained and it turned out it was his grandma on his fathers side that took him away and gave him new one. I got a bit nervous and thought to myself that this kid will never except it if I start dating someone.

He stopped thinking about it and we went to school and kindergarten. When I came to pick him up he started talking about how all girls have one baby. I told him that some girls have none and some have many. He said 'you just want one' I told him I was happy having only him but he told me he really wants a sibling. I tried to get out of this as simply as possible and told him that I needed to find a boyfriend before I thought about having a baby. He agreed but then he said 'and when the baby is here we can tell the man to go away'

sometimes I think my son is an old man on the inside, and not just an old man but a grumpy one.

He says the strangest things sometimes and I often don't know if I should laugh or cry. He hugged me the other day and said 'you are loved' not I love you but you are loved, what 6 year old says that?

I am so anti sweet talk and anti romantic and anti everything cuddly and cute so words like this kinda make me uncomfortable. Maybe it's because I have never been in love, but I do love my son so I know the feeling of love but in a different way than any romantic love.

I don't know. I'm just gonna go read Voltaire right now and try to forget myself for a while.