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day in a life

Analyzing

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by
Helga
, 03-13-2012 at 06:21 PM (1233 Views)
I realized something yesterday. When I was 16 I was in a school with my best friend and through her I met more people. When I was 17 I had had two boyfriends and there was a group of kids that would hang out together. I had friends, I had many friends, I was very depressed, I couldn't handle all the stuff that was going on and started skipping school cause that and friends was just to much for me. It was a great time and it was a horrible time. I couldn't handle it so I quit school. shortly after that I lost contact with all my friends. I was alone.
Then I got pregnant and all that came with that part of my life. Then I was alone again but now by choice and I had gotten in touch with my best friend again (that happened a bit earlier though). Then there was school, I love school. then I got one friend at school and through her a few more. Then I started socializing outside of school. All of a sudden I am in the same situation I was in 8 years ago. Now my priorities are different and school comes before friends but that doesn't change the fact that I feel sick when I spend to much time with them. I can't explain it to them either it's not like they know me that well.

I am gonna try to spend more time with me and less with them without excluding them completely. The worst part is I can hardly ever be with just one of them or two even, it's always 5 or 6, and that is just to much for me. I have also realized that Fridays are the worst, after five days I just can't take it anymore. I am also spending less time alone at a cafe and that used to be my favorite thing to do so I'm gonna try and do that instead of seeing them. The only person in the world I never feel uncomfortable with (except my son) is my best friend but with school and she has a six month old baby we just don't see eachother as much as we used to. I guess I miss my brother too but I don't think about him that much.

I read a great thing the other day, a reminder to keep promises you make to yourself! I rarely do that but I'm gonna try and start with something small but keep it! I can't trust myself completely if I can't keep promises.

and like my favorite says: there's a place in the sun for anyone who has the will to chase one.
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Comments

  1. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Nice blog entry Helga.
  2. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    It's great that you can recognise the pattern and do something about it. So you know to turn down invitations to go out after school on a Friday, and you can still see your friends and limit your time with them so it's not overwhelming. You definitely don't want to make yourself sick and depressed again, but having seen that that's what's going on you're armed against it. So I think you will be okay. I think sometimes that TV shows make us think that mass socialising is the norm and anyone who doesn't want to or doesn't like it is somehow 'wrong'. But that's not the case. It just doesn't suit everyone. It doesn't suit me either. I always prefer to have one or two very close friends who I see a lot of and then outside that there are people I like who I will socialise with, but now and again. If I did it on a regular basis, I would find it exhausting. And it wouldn't be me. So I completely understand when you say that it isn't you either. I wonder how many of your circle of friends feels the same? You might be surprised.

    So, I'm curious, have you decided what your promise to yourself with be?
  3. Helga's Avatar
    No, I feel like I need to figure out a bit more about how I want my week to be before I make a promise but I guess it will be on the lines of sticking to my plan.

    I am big on routines so I guess it will make me feel better about everything if I make a plan and stick to it.
  4. Virgil's Avatar
    Such insight into oneself is great. I think you have hit on it. That is who you are. I once hit upon a hermit's blog. I mean a real hermit, a religious one. The solitude was how she felt most comfortable.
  5. qimissung's Avatar
    Yes, I think you long for connection-we all do-now you are in the position of balancing it with your need for solitude, which is not something that most people have to come to terms with. That's what Fifth was referring to, I think. Perhaps you thought you ought to go-but you don't have to. The tricky thing might be finding people who are willing to hang out with you on your terms.

    I feel confident that you will find a way to balance your activities in a way that works for you, Helga.
  6. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    A timely article http://m.guardian.co.uk/ms/p/gnm/op/...&cat=most-read
  7. qimissung's Avatar
    It's a good article, Fifth, thanks for sharing it. I've heard of the book, and it's about time someone recognized the worth of introverts. I have long noticed and abhorred my cultures slavish devotion to extroverts.

    And as it said, people who are introverted do not necessarily dislike people, we just need a little more space than most others.