day in a life

It's March already and I am gonna try and keep a record of all the books I have and will read this year. there are many books I have to read for school so I think it will be a good list, also gonna list how many pages they are.

I have so much reading to do this weekend it's crazy! I am reading Beowulf for school and started Ilium by dan simmons for another class and I am also reading short stories by icelandic authors based on the norse sagas. The boy is with his dad so I hope I can get through a big part of this.

Now just to warn you this is gonna be a long and probably pointless blog, I just don't have anyone who wants to listen to me rant about these things but I feel better if I do. I have talked about the power of words and what they mean to you. I have always loved poetry above other types of literature cause they show so much of the poets thought and feelings with their own eyes, not through a character in a story. I love that too of course but there is just something about poetry that I love. That being said I also choose musicians that I think say something important, important to me at least. My 4 favorites are Morrissey,Bonnie prince billie, Nick Cave and Amee Mann. they all have something to say but in different ways. Maybe it's in part because I have always preferred to be alone and not to have many people around me. they all talk a lot about this stuff. I have been getting to know a few girls at school and there are always more and more people I talk to and I started feeling overwhelmed and I didn't go to school yesterday cause I just wanted to stay at home with my boy. I am not gonna let this become a routine, skipping school I can't do that cause I love everything I am doing in classes and everything I read.
I think I tend to sabotage for myself, I have always been very quick to ignore people that I think have done me wrong. I am working on my self a lot and a wise man told me that other peoples actions are not about me, they are about their reaction to the universe. They are not trying to hurt me just because they did something that affected me. Like the girls were planning to go to the theater or have a movie night or something like that and they are not single moms so they just love doing this stuff on a weekday, that is just not an option for me and they forget or because they only know how they feel and not my thoughts. It's normal to want to go out on a Wednesday and I don't blame them I know they are not trying to ignore me or hurt me they are just making plans that fit them well.

Another wise man said that the quality of your life reflects on how much uncertainty you can comfortably live with. I don't like uncertainty but I am trying, I know I can't control everything and I kinda got a kick from an odd direction the other day about this. I was watching the latest Big Bang Theory episode and Sheldon couldn't get a haircut because his barber was in the hospital. At one point in the show he said 'it's been six days since I was supposed to get a haircut and nothing bad has happened' he was upset about this cause his life is based on routine. this was for me like Ok, if I brake my routine maybe nothing terrible will happen... it's a really scary thought for me. I may not be nearly as bad as Sheldon but many aspects of my life are based on a routine and I feel like almost anything could fall apart if I don't do these things my regular way.

Now to a lighter but just as difficult subject. My son asked me if a man has a boyfriend then he's gay, I said yes. Then he mentioned a boy at kindergarten who wants to marry Justin Bieber so that means he's gay. Now I had to try and explain that it's perfectly normal to be gay and to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, doesn't matter but you can't call someone gay cause they might find it offensive. I don't know how I managed to get him off this subject but I have no idea how I can tell him something is normal but you can't call people by the name.... KIDS!!!! He is almost six and this is the time for hard questions, I feel like I need to read an encyclopedia to have all the answers for him. Because he spend most of his time with me I get the questions and not his dad so I did a very bad thing.... the boy asked if he could get a younger brother or sister and I tried to explain you need a mom and a dad to get a baby (now that contradicts the gay question!!) but he should ask his dad he has a girlfriend.... then I tried to tell him how annoying it can be to have a little baby, they have diapers and they cry at night and you need to feed them they can't eat by themselves. After that I of course had to tell him that kids are wonderful to have and the he was the best baby ever and I loved feeding him and all that stuff... I have no idea how to handle these questions and comments...

Now I am gonna start reading for school, I have so much to do and really shouldn't be spending my time ranting about unimportant stuff.