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Halls of the Dark Muse

Does Having Kids Make You Less Cool?

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by
Dark Muse
, 02-09-2012 at 03:53 AM (1564 Views)
I have this friend (I know that right there is shocking) and though we have known each other for a very long time, we have always had something of an on again off again friendship, (not meaning that in a negative way) we never had falling outs or anything of that nature, but he would get busy with life and for long periods of time drop off the face of the earth and periodically pop back up again. So we never really got that intimately close and always have had more of a casual friendship, but he was always really cool and we would joke around with each other a lot.

He knew what kind of sense of humor I have and he was aware of my misanthropic tendencies, and my cynical and pessimistic views on the state of mankind, and he was never the sort to be bothered by such things, in fact in some instances he even agreed with some of my onions. I even told him about my long standing desire to own a human skull (yes it is true) and he did not even flinch at that. So he knew me well enough to know about my quirks, eccentricities, and craziness, but never was the type to be overly sensitive or take offence easily or be phased by my macabreness .

He made another one of his reappearances this evening, and we were chatting for a while, and the last time we spoke he had just recently gotten married, so he told me they just had a baby. Now I never know how to react when people tell me that, I know that to most people it is a good thing but to me it is not. When my sister told me she was pregnant for the first time my response was...uh...oh...sooo is that a good thing? (with a look of bafflement on my face.) But I congratulated him, and just so happened to mention my own personal aversion to children. Now I was speaking in purely general terms in which I specifically said I myself have no desire to reproduce. I was not criticizing him for having kids, or saying anything personally against him or his kid. I was just speaking my truthful opinion on the subject of children in general just as I would always do.

Knowing me as he does, a) he should not have been surprised by me making such a comment and b) I would never have taken him for the sort that would take something like that personally.

But he seemed put off by my saying that. Though he did not actually say anything on the subject it was just a vibe a felt like there was some sudden awkwardness about my saying it, and maybe I misinterpreted his response, but my making that comment had brought all further conversation into a sudden halt.
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  1. JuniperWoolf's Avatar
    He's just being sensitive, everyone knows that having kids makes you less cool. Those are just the laws of nature, you buy and SUV, you are occasionally covered in child vomit, you can't go out anymore = less cool.
  2. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
    He's just being sensitive, everyone knows that having kids makes you less cool. Those are just the laws of nature, you buy and SUV, you are occasionally covered in child vomit, you can't go out anymore = less cool.
    LOL maybe I should have said "Does Having Kids Make you More Overly Sensitive" Or "More likely to take offence"
  3. Helga's Avatar
    The subject of kids is an odd one when you have them. I know how you feel about not wanting them and believe me I had a few lines about why you shouldn't have kids. People tend to get touchy when it comes to them for some reason and I can never understand it when people say 'poor guy he never had any kids' cause that doesn't mean he didn't have a great life without them. Anyway I don't know about being cool but your view on things changes when you have kids and to some people that means you can't say a negative thing about them.

    That's one of the reasons I love Torchwood, they sacrifice kids all the time, they are not sacred.

    I hope I don't sound very mean, I love my kid and don't want to be without him I just think people can be over sensitive on the subject of NOT wanting kids like there is something wrong with you if you don't.

    That being said it took me about 30 minuets to write this cause my kid is sick and I had to blow his nose and stuff like that about a hundred times so yes we are uncool.
  4. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Helga
    I hope I don't sound very mean, I love my kid and don't want to be without him I just think people can be over sensitive on the subject of NOT wanting kids like there is something wrong with you if you don't.
    Yes, exactly. When I made my remark about it to my friend, his response was "To each their own. I don't criticize you for it"

    Which is exactly the kind of thing someone says when they do disprove of how you choose to live your life, but don't want to sound judgmental about it.

    It also sounded a bit pretensions, which is out of character for him. Usually when I make one of my controversial, cynical, unconventional etc. sort of comments, he returns with a humorous response.

    But after that he did not talk to me again for the rest of the night.
  5. Helga's Avatar
    that's just his loss, maybe he'll realize that kids aren't everything when he wants to go out and the wife tells him he should stay home with her and the baby...
  6. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Helga
    that's just his loss, maybe he'll realize that kids aren't everything when he wants to go out and the wife tells him he should stay home with her and the baby...
    Haha yes the baby is still quite new, maybe if and when I hear from him again he will have a bit of a different attitude.

    When my sister first had her kid, I actually had no idea if she would suddenly start becoming all oversensitive about my general views on children, and I have to admit I myself was not altogether certain if I would actually like my niece. When I found out she was pregnant I really had not idea what my reaction would be when the baby actually came. But the fact that she turned out to be a bit of an evil genius did give some points in her favor. But my sister always remained cool about me anti-child attitude. And when I tell her things like her kids are being kind of creepy, or remind me something from a horror movie, or that I think they are psycho, she knows coming from me that is a good thing. Because she knows that under no circumstances will I ever refer to them as "cute" or any variation of that word.
    Updated 02-09-2012 at 07:13 PM by Dark Muse
  7. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    DM- Who cares what this dude thinks? It's not like he is a close friend. I have a couple of friends who don't have kids and don't particularly like them. We all know how they feel, so I just avoid the kid topic unless they really want to know. I think people with kids need to be sensitive to people who do not have kids! I mean, unless you have kids, you can't begin to understand the kid scenario. People with a family should understand this. And yes, having a kid makes you less cool! You can't go out anymore, get your lip waxed, hair cut, or do anything that means your kid is unsupervised for more than a second. Love my kid, but you do make sacrifices.
  8. Helga's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Muse
    when I tell her things like her kids are being kind of creepy, or remind me something from a horror movie, or that I think they are psycho, she knows coming from me that is a good thing. Because she knows that under no circumstances will I ever refer to them as "cute" or any variation of that word.
    that's funny, my mom got so mad at my brother when my son was born cause he said that all newborn babies look like Alfred Hitchcock. if you compare a picture of my boy crying to the director they are very similar!
  9. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Helga
    that's funny, my mom got so mad at my brother when my son was born cause he said that all newborn babies look like Alfred Hitchcock. if you compare a picture of my boy crying to the director they are very similar!
    New born babies scare me, because to me they all look like some kind of strange Alien creature.

    When I saw the photo of my 2nd niece right after she was born, she was all wrapped up in a blanket with only her head sticking out, and so my nick name for her while she was an infant was Larva, because that is the first thing that popped into my head when I saw that picture.
  10. Virgil's Avatar
    I guess it depends on the circles you travel in and your definition of cool. And I'm with Buhbee, who cares?
  11. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil
    I guess it depends on the circles you travel in and your definition of cool. And I'm with Buhbee, who cares?
    I do not really care what he thinks, but I did formerly use to enjoy his company on the occasions I had to talk to him. And we have known each other for many years, even if not consistently , it would be a shame if he simply ceased all further communication because a remark I made about not liking kids and it is the last thing I would have expected from him.
  12. Virgil's Avatar
    Oh I understand. You might want to explain that to him.