day in a life

It is the third day of the new year. School won't start 'till next week and my last days at work will be next weekend. Two more shifts and then I'll be a full time student. I know I'll go back in the summer and work while school is on holiday but during the winter it is all me and my boys, and school of course.

Last year was the first whole year by myself. I wanted to be alone to figure out what I want and the best part was that I feel like I was finally ready for school and all that came along with it. I was so scared when I first found out I could start school again. I live in a box in a way, my comfort zone, and stepping out of it is so hard. I am a loner and that is just what makes me happy, not that I don't want someone in my life but I still need a lot of alone time.
Last year was odd,happy and lonely, I just want more of that please! (maybe not the lonely part) Anyway, I am not big on resolutions or things like that and I am not gonna make one I am just gonna continue doing what I am doing and enjoy it a bit more. I am gonna try and keep contact with the girls I have gotten to know in school and maybe slowly take the smallest, tiniest, itsy bitsy step out of my comfort zone. Now that is a scary thought!

I am gonna try and write a bit more, although I have about 20 books to read this semester for school, no kidding! so I may have a lot more work to do now but that is OK.

Life is an odd thing and I think I am just getting used to it, or excepting it. Maybe because I am finally doing things my way, I have never done that before. I have always been influenced by the things people say to me and if it is said often enough I start believing it but I don't anymore now I think about what people say and then I put it where it belongs, in their mouth not my head.

I tend to express myself poorly I think, I know exactly how I mean things in my head but they often come out wrong and when I write things it's worse! I often feel very misunderstood, don't know why.

Life is simply complicated.