Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

I feel terrible. I just want to curl up in bed and not leave the house for a whole year. more than a year. forever. I'm such an idiot. I hate myself. It's been cloudy all day. when I took the dog out it started spitting and I thought we'd better hurry up with this walk before it started raining. It didn't rain though. There are two parks nearby where we can walk the dog. There's the big one and two little ones with the bigger one at the back. The big one is good for going around, there's more to walk on, the other three, which I usually count as one for one walk are smaller, thinner and straighter, good for a long and quite straight walk. The first one is a little park for children and mothers and children gather there like flies. I've noticed that a lot of people are afraid of dogs and will edge away and grab their children and pull them out of harms way. Yuki likes children She lived with two of them before she came to us. She's very good and very gentle. Usually if children want to stroke her she doesn't want to know and keeps walking but she is good with them. Usually the children look as if they want to stroke her but don't ask me and just hover around her until I tell them she's safe to stroke, she won't bite. Sometimes they'll see her and come running over but before they can stroke her, or just after I'v told them she's safe the mother will call them back and scold them saying you don't go up to strange dogs, you don't try and stroke strange dogs. This annoys me because I've just told them it's okay to stroke her and the mother tells them off. I usderstand that not all dogs are friendly and that parents just want their children to be safe and that's fair enough but when you say don't stroke it because you don't know it and just pull them away that's just stupid. All you need to do is ask the owner. If the owner tells you no then you tell the children to avoid that dog and if the owner says yes then the children can add another dog to their 'can pet' list. Because of issues like this I usually go to the big park, because it's bigger it's usually a more plesant walk (if there are no people anyway, there's just so much more free space.) For about a week not so long ago I stopped going to this park because I wanted to avoid a group of boys after one had asked me if you can get puppies from my dog (I'm 23 years old and I'm afraid of youths. That's not something I should say. That's something paranoid mothers and little old ladies are supposed to say. I know I'm just being paranoid. Most of the time I'm of no concern to them. Besides, it's wrong to think badly of people you don't even know because they look like hooligans, they could be decent people. My method for dealing with these situations is simple, it's similar to the one I used at school. Keep ypur head down, don't make eye contact and if they toss you a casual comment pretend you can't hear them. But if they persist then respond as if startled, apologise for not responding and claim you couldn't hear them (on one such occasion I claimed my hearing was a bit off in one ear because of a minor ear infection. This was not true though but it was believed.)I acutually use this method on most people I don't know but youths especially.) Anyway, I avoided the big park for a week (make a note of how I deal with people, youths especially because it's relevant for later.) and went to the other parks for about week. One evening coming home from the park. I'd just met a nice guy with an alsatian husky mix who also trained dogs, and he gave me some advice about Yuki. She was very good with this dog and I like so see her make new friends (She has some issues with other dogs. She'll sometimes growl and bark at a dog. It happened quite suddenly. Early on when we got her we met the vetinary nurse taking her dogs out for a walk. She has a beautiful 16 year old samoyed ***** and a little staff puppy that she's looking after (it has a problem eating, it can't eat regular dog food, she jsut vomits it back up and it's owners wanted it put down. But she asked them if she could look after it and try to help it. It can eat table scraps fine, just not dog food so she cooks it healthy balanced meals and it's been growing well.) When Yuki first met them she was fine. The samoyed barked at her a bit but the nurse said that samoyeds are big barkers and she's probably just trying to protect the puppy. The puppy just wanted to play so we let the play for a little. Yuki was absolutely fine with both dogs. Shortly after we noticed she was getting a little iffy towards other dogs (there's two black labs and she really hates them) I thought she'd gotten better she'd been good with some other dogs. Well, when we saw the vetinary nurse and her dogs again I though oh Yuki will be fine with them she knows them and she's been good with them before. Eh well. She went at the samoyed, just as I was about to say I was pleased to see the puppy had grown since I'd last seen it. Yuki doesn't bite, she growls, barks and lunges a bit (I can't remember exactly what she does because we don't let her get that far anymore but that's about it. I don't remember seeing her bite) I reprimanded her, pulled her away and apologised. I've since been tolod that was exactly the correct thing to do.) Now when ever we meet a dog I keep her on a short lead and reprimand her is she growls. I'll usually feel it vibrating up the lead to my hand. There are a handfull of dogs she's very good with and I like it when she meets a nother dog that she doesn't hate. There's a lovely great big akita husky mix that I call barrel dog, she really looks like a barrel and she's just lovely but Yuki's best friend it a little dog called mouse. Sometimes mum and Mouse's owner try to meet up dring the night time walk they'll shut the gates at either end of the childrens park and let the dogs off lead to run around, Yuki loves it) So, Anyway sorry I'm getting sidetracked a lot. Basucally I love for Yuki to make new friends and I try to let her meed new dogs to make friends (this is also an importand detail to remember.) Anyway. At that other park we met the guy and his alsatian husky mix and we talked a bit. I'm kind of odd, once I've spoken to someone, no matter how brief I become more talkative after I've left them. So on that day, as we were coming home we met a woman who I honestly didn't think existed. She saw Yuki and like a lot of people went 'It's a wolf' and shyed away. I hate this. She's a husky. She looks nothing like a wolf. You can't even keep a wolf in these circumstances. Sure as hell can't take it for walkies in the street that's for sure. Also wolves are actually very shy so your chances of meeting one in the street in London are pretty nonexistent. So I get pissed off with this and just blankly said she's a husky. Then this woman started talking to me and I thought oh crap what have I gotten into. The woman said 'Really?' as if it was a genuine shock to her, 'you can keep it?' I was stunned. Of course you can keep one. What makes her think you can keep a wolf and not a husky, bloody hell. When I said yeah with now quite a stunned blank voice she inquired about it being okay away from the arctic. Then she asked me 'where's it's sleigh?'.... What? What kind of idiot is this? You can keep any and every breed of domesticated dog if you want. I finally take my leave of this woman and say well goodbye and she replies 'no it's not goodbye, it's see you later' No. It's not.. It's goodbye. It's I hope I never meet you again. So I say I apologise, see you later then. She says oh there's no need to apologise and gives me a jesus loves you line. I am atheist and I'm happy about it. I hate it when people say things like that to me as if they're trying to convert me or as if they assume I'm a beliver. I've noticed, the ones that try and rope you in are very soft voiced women who are overly polite who trap you in a conversation where it seems rude to just walk away so you try to verbally squirm around them so you can escape. IiF Anything this ticks me off. I have a hard enough time hearing accents without people talking so quietly they might as well not be talking at all and I hate talking to people at all, especially ones I can't escape from without causing offence. There's a lot of them in my area, several different churches too. Anyway, Because I decided I didn't want to meet this woman again or anyone like her I started going back to the big park again. The youths I'd tried to avoid weren't there anymore(they were always in the same place at the same time, it was annoying, and I don't like anyone to figure out my routine). It's been some time since then and there's been no incident, even during that whole riot crap. So we've finally come to why I feel like crap. I actually feel a lot better for all this writing but I'll put it in anyway.
It's been grey all day. I was worrie it would rain so I wanted to get round the park quick. The ground was wet, the grass was wet. It had rained when mum took Yuki out this morning and she'd taken her collar off to dry. At thise times I like to take Yuki out on her harness for a change, give her neck a whole day to rest from the collar. Since it's not right around her neck you can't sharply pull to make her stop something, you have to put a little more effort into pulling her away. So, We went to the big park. At the front of the big park there's a little fork right at the start, you can go left or right around a small seating area and raised bed with shrubs and a couple of small trees. There's a little patch of grass to the left where Yuki likes to pee and then I go right and go all the way around. Well, I saw a group of youths to the right of the little fork and I wanted to avoid them, the path is a bit tight if there's a group of people there. It worked out well for Yuki because the didn't want to squat on the wet grass and carried on the path to the left abd ended up straggling a small shrub to pee. I've no idea why she did that but it looked so funny. I intended to go straight and go around from the left for a change to avoid the group but then I thoght I'd have to pass them on the way out then so I figured I should get it over witrh sooner or later. I eyed up the situation, there were two bikes taking up some of the path but it would be easy to get passed them. I saw a woman and a group of guys, most of them in hoodies. That was all I saw. I employed my usual tactic, don't make eye contact, they don't care about you anyway. Ah well. What I didn't see was the dog. Yuki stopped to sniff, I thought she was sniffing the woman, she does that sometimes. As I got colser I saw a rottweiler laying down to the side of the path and Yuki was sniffing it. Damnit. I couldn't see the dog. I should've been paying more attention. Now, as I previously stated, she has issues with other dogs. For a few seconds at least they seemed okay, Yuki sniffed it and it sniffed her back. The moment I realised there was a dog I thought of pulling her away but I didn't want to startle them and I am keen to let her make new friends. Besides, I was relying on the owners to watch it and to warn me if it was violent. They didn't. Well, it snapped at Yuki (I think it barked too) so I pulled her away instantly and that would have been the end of it but it turned it's head away from Yuki and bit the woman on the leg. I was horrified. It bit her. She was short and skinny, she was holding the lead so I figured she was the owner and it bit her. I didn't even see her do anything to it. She didn't pull it's lead, tell it to behave, she didn't smak it, didn't reprimand it in any way and it bit her in the leg, just behind the knee. Well, then a big fuss started, the others realised something had happened and came to see and Yuki was getting excited, she wanted to go back and sniff the dog, Also, on the other side of the raised bed were a couple of guys in the group with a bull dog. Once she realised there was another dog i had to fight to pull her away. It's not my fault that the dog bit the woman. There was a tear in her jeans but I wasn't sure if that was there before or not (stupid torn jeans fashion trend). I knew things would get worse if I stayed there, Yuki's presence would agravate the other dogs so I pulled her away. I had to fight her to do it but I pulled her away and kept walking. Then I started going rahter mad. You see, when something like that happens I run everything through my mind, what happened, what could have happened, what I should have done, is it my fault what could happen next. I was furious with myself for not realising there was a dog ther, for not pulling her away sooner. As I was trying to calm myself down. Then I heard excuse me, excuse me from behind. I ignored it a bit (mainly because no one is ever saying excuse me to me, it's always someone else) but I realised it was for me so I turned. A guy had cycled after me (really, it wasn't that far, he could've walked instead of slowly peadling to me) and said the most insane thing. He said 'You coud've said sorry'. Sorry, sorry for what? I didn't make the dog bite her. Really it should have tried to bite Yuki. I really don't get why it would turn on it's master like that. I said i didn't know there was a dog there. He said, 'How can you miss it it's a rottweiler.' So I said I wasn't looking for it. He said I should have stayed to apologise. Why exactly? I said I had to get my dog away or she'd have made the situation worse. I said i was sorry about what happened but I had to get my dog away. He seemed satisfied and rode off. I mustr admit I am sorry about what happened but I did not dorectly influence this dog. I also feel bad becasue the dog's probably been punnished for this. Really, though.. What kind of dog bites it's owner. A poorly trained one, that's what. I actually liked the gog. It was a lovely healthy looking dog, it's fur was shine and black and the furr on it's muzzle and paws was a lovely pale orangey colour. I was also pleased to see it had a tail. People have the tails removed because it's supposed to make them meaner so I love to see rottweilers with tails. Sigh. There are 3 things I could have done differently. I could have stayed on the left path and done a figure of eight to come back on that path. But I thought it was rude to avoid these people just because I didn't like the look of them. It's not nice. I should have been more alert. I should have seen the dog sooner. I should have pulled Yuki away straight away. I carried on for a while and stopped under a tree. I thought very hard about it. I didn't want to go back to the entrance and any other way round I went would take me passed that spot. In the end I decided to leave the park, cross the road and go home the back way (there are other exits to the park, the one where the incident happened is just the main one.) I started going crazy thinking about what happens next, so much so that I never wanted to leave the house again. What if I see them again tomorrow, or next week or when ever really. I didn't look at any of them long enough to remember their faces. They'll remenber me though. I thought what if they tell their friends or family. all you need to do is describe Yuki, she's one of only 2 huskines here and her visits to that park are much more regular. What if the teeth went through, what if she was bleeding, what if it nicked a vein? What if she had a job and couldn't work any more because a tendon or muscle got damaged? What if she blamed me? What if they said that my dog attacked theirs first? It's like 4-6 against one. Yuki's walk was ruined. She got wet. I had to dry her but when I got home I went up to my room and punched a pillow for a while. Then I called mum to tell her about it. When I started really thinking about what could happen I started crying. Why the hell did I do that. Once I'd hung up I let it all out. I hate crying. I look stupid when I cry, and I sound stupid, so I don't do it often. I dried the dog and then just sat in my room for a while thinking about it. I feel a lot better now but it still bugs me.

-Additional note-
I think I might know why what happened happened. Yuki has come into season. I noticed the blood this evening. I'm so pleased, We've been waiting for her to come into season for about 7 months now. The vet wont spay her until after she's come into season. Now we can get her spayed and she'll be safe from randy dogs and money grabbing people who want to steal her, breed her and sell off her pups, because she won't have any. I rather hate the idea of taking away an animals right to breed but she could get complications if she's not spayed and we're keeping her as a pet, not a breeding dog.