day in a life

I will probably keep Sisko. I almost gave him away the other day and for few days before that I couldn't sleep, I just kept thinking about him. I suggested joint custody of him with my ex and he liked the idea.

Just a few more days until school starts and I am getting very excited and a little nervous. It is a lot of work, so many books to read and papers to write but I can't wait. I am reading the Aristos by John Fowles now, I really love his books, I am gonna try and read as much as I can before school starts.

It is funny but I can see so clearly how my feelings about life and me in general changes back and forth. When I am feeling low I try to push it away because I know this is just a few days or a week and than I'll be very happy for a longer time. I have been alone for over a year and I know I really don't want to be alone anymore but I still don't want to do anything about it, I wonder if the only bad thing a bout my break up is I have closed up a bit, I have no social life at all. NONE. but I don't really want to change that. I am thinking about buying 4 tickets to the theater for 4 different shows and just go alone, nobody around me wants to go to the theater to see the same shows I want to see so I always miss them but I don't want to anymore. I was telling my brother the other day that I had always thought to myself that things will change when I get to college, I'll meet people there but now that it's just around the corner I think I'll be just as closed up there as I am now. I mean why should that change if I am not willing to change it.

I think I have mentioned that I think the girls that work with me think I am kinda boring but I think that in part that is because I say what I am feeling and what they talk about is usually some social gathering and I just say that I don't like things like that and I really don't like people that much in general to spend time in a crowd of them. People usually don't say that even though they think that. I was reading an interview t-with the daughter of an icelandic singer, a very popular one, and she said that she loves to sing with her dad and that she very open and outgoing. if you weren't open and outgoing you probably wouldn't be doing the interview in the first place so these qualities are made more positive to people that being a bit closed off and wanting to be alone. wanting to be alone doesn't make you unhappy or lonely but we don't see these qualities in the people on the news or in articles.

I found a good blog a while ago, it seemed very lame when I read the title of it 'the daily love blog' but I decided to check it out cause my brother told me about it (and he is usually right) and said that it is pretty good. It is a blog by a guy named Mastin Kipp and what he says is in many ways just common sense that you need to be reminded of so you don't forget it. he starts with quotes and what I think is great is at the end of it every day he tells you to take what you want from it and leave the rest cause you can't of course agree with everything he says but in general I like it at best it reminds me of things I need to think about when it comes to me and what I want and at worst it is an interesting read.

Anyway life is good and I'm gonna go read.