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the ocean always dreamed blue dreams

mal de mer

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9 Comments
by
qimissung
, 03-05-2011 at 02:41 AM (1817 Views)
in my dream
you are sleeping peacefully,
brow sweaty
and your lips, pale, moving in and out
as they whisper
of the tempest and desire

leaning close I breathe,
"allons-y ensemble"

I can only be who I am
someone from whose lips spring
the froth of the sea
whose soul lays still upon the wave
before diving beneath it
knowing the terror and confusion that awaits
struggling to the surface
bursting through it to the halcyon day
then falling, falling to the roiling surface of the sea again

and the sea changes
the waves are peacock blue, turquoise, atrementous
and the wind, losing all circumspection,
blows the sea into cabochon,
and then your hand upon my back,
and your body next to mine,
our whited limbs thrashing, tangled seaweed

so sleep;
no more can I

but the winds are calm again
and I know what to do
I can brush a tendril from
your brow
and give to you this day,
this blessed day

Qimissung
March 2010

Updated 03-05-2011 at 07:06 PM by qimissung

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Comments

  1. PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
    After the tumult and the turbulence, the passion of so much of this, the quiet gentleness, the modestness of that final verse, is breath-taking!
  2. qimissung's Avatar
    Thank you, Prince. You are always so kind.
  3. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Totally beautiful Qimi. I can only concur with PMs comments about the final stanza, which is a perfect 'calm after the storm' and filled with simple, and yet intense (the best kind) emotion.
  4. qimissung's Avatar
    Thanks you, fifth. I read an editorial and was inspired. I need to find it again. If I do, I'll send you the link.
  5. The Comedian's Avatar
    Yeah, I enjoyed the lull, rise, and calm flow from stanza to stanza in this poem.
  6. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    This rose, and fell, and flowed, and filled my mind with wonderful images... well written, qimi. Greatly enjoyable.
  7. Hawkman's Avatar
    Hi qim, don't know why you don't post your poems in the PP strand, I have to find them by accident. This is a lovely offering with good rhythm and imagery, but I would point out that S3 L4 "whose soul lays still upon the wave" should either read "...soul lies still upon the wave" or "...soul lays stillness on the wave".

    the only other quibble I might have is the use of cabochon. I think maybe an indefinite article before might improve the sense, but subjectively I'm not sure turning the sea into a polished or shaped stone is quite appropriate. I can see the shape might be, but not the implication of 'substance' from the word.

    However, it is a really beautiful poem and a pleasure to read. Live long and prosper - H
  8. yuka's Avatar
    This give me a great enjoyment, Qim, I like the flow within
  9. libernaut's Avatar
    Nicely done.