day in a life

I realized something the other day. I use every excuse in the book not to go out and meet people, even though I want to do it I always make sure there is something I need to do at home. next summer my son will spend 2 weeks with his dad, I want to be working for a part of that time but I decided that I want about a week just me and no work and try and do something. then I started thinking, what am I supposed to do and who am I supposed to do it with. My brother told me I could go out with him and his girlfriend and just sleep on their couch but then I said I'd rather stay at home because of my dog, I can't leave him alone, even though I know I can, he is 9 years old and he sleeps 20 hours a day (almost). I am worrying about maybe going out in July! there really is something wrong with me!

I feel for the first time since my break up that I might be ready to meet people but I am just to scared to really go out and do it. I think I need to get over this before going to university cause I'll have to meet people when get there and interact with them. the thing I am scared of is that I'll do something stupid. that is why I don't want to drink alcohol I need to be in complete control.

A lady that works with me told me one day that prince charming is not gonna knock on my door one day and make everything ok, I need to do it myself. I know that and I know that what I wanted was to be alone and to learn how to be happy alone. I have done that, I have been so much happier now these past few months. now I think I want to be happy with someone else but another thing that I use to stop me from that is that I might be willing to put myself on the line but I don't think I can do that with my son, I would have to be certain that I am in a good relationship before I introduce get my son involved in it. but I do think it is something I partly use to stay at home and alone for a little time longer.

one thing written in a comment for my blog a few days ago was a reminder that I am in many relationships. I never thought about it like that, I work at all those relationships and try to do my best without loosing myself. I think I need to take that attitude and use it when the time comes I find someone I want to make a new relationship with. it's not supposed to be easy but it's very rewarding.

I am gonna look forward to the summer and hope it will bring many changes in my life, school, work and personal. I am gonna go out and do things I want to do.