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Reflections on the puddle of life

Recurring dreams

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by
TheFifthElement
, 03-09-2011 at 05:54 AM (5598 Views)
Recently, or perhaps for a little while now, I’ve been having recurring dreams. Or rather, I’ve been having dreams with recurring themes. At first it was interesting, now it’s a bit disturbing. There are two key themes to my dreams.

The affair

This is the least recurrent of my dreams, but I’ve dreamt it at least three times. Every time it’s a very vivid dream.

In my dream I discover that my husband is having an affair. In each dream, I already know my husband has had an affair before (this is not actually true, but is true in the dream) and this is my discovery of a second affair or a lingering affair that I thought was over. It’s an incredibly distressing. In the dream I have come to a realisation that I must either accept that my husband will continue to have affairs and live with it, or I have to leave him. Either way, I must face the rejection, the fact that I am no longer enough and that he must no longer love me. There is never any resolution in the dream, because usually I wake up crying before the dream ends.

The house

This is a strong recurring theme in my dreams. I realise, now, that it’s an incredibly regular feature. The house generally takes one of two forms:

 my childhood home – in these dreams I am living in my childhood, it is my home. I get the sensation I have somehow replaced my parents, perhaps this is how I feel. In one of the dreams my husband and I were asleep in bed in my parents’ bed. I woke in the dream to find a rat running across the floor. I then realised I was dreaming and woke, again in my parents’ bed and then woke again in my own bed, actually awake. A dream within a dream within a dream. Perhaps I have watched Inception too often Sometimes I think I am dreaming about this old house because somehow I associate it with being a place of safety. Which is strange, because there were many, many times when I did not feel particularly safe in this house. But the dreams, apart from the rat one, are generally benign.

 the large, sprawling house with lots of unused rooms – this crops up quite regularly. I am living in, or am thinking of buying a house. As I walk through the house I encounter many rooms that I either did not know were there or which I know about but which constitute too many rooms and so they are disused, or cluttered. In one dream, one of the rooms was a child’s room which had been left untouched following the child’s death. Sometimes I see these rooms as a great opportunity – my Mum could live with us and have an annexe to herself, we could to x with it or y with it – often I don’t know what to do with the room. It has potential, but I’ve no idea what, or no resources, to do anything with it.

Then last night I dreamed of a new house. It was, in some way, my father’s house. It was a chalet style house, very clean looking. The front door was open, and when I looked inside all I could see was blackness, thick, impenetrable darkness. I didn’t want to go inside.

And I’m at the point, really, where it’s freaking me out a bit because clearly something is going on in my head which is not resolved, and it could be a multitude of things, work, finances, family, everything’s a bit on the edge at the moment, but I’ve no real clue where to start in order to try and figure it out. The home could be a representation of myself, perhaps an indication that I feel I have unused potential, or a need to retreat to a place of safety. Work is certainly challenging at the moment, and I’ve been getting a little worn down by it. Then again it could be my actual home, which is sometimes like a millstone around my neck, especially as we’re struggling financially and sometimes I do wonder if it’s worth it. Do I need to decide to sell my house to stop these dreams? Is that what I really want? But yet this is the first house in a long time that has felt like my home, since my childhood home. So I’m not really keen to give it up.

So I’m in a bit of a quandary, and for the first time in a very long time I feel like I need/ought to speak to someone about it. Which is worrying. I’m not often driven to the point where I feel like I need support outside of my usual circle.

Did I say before that I’m having a rubbish year? I’m having a rubbish year. Everything that can go wrong is going wrong. I’d like to draw a line under it, but I don’t think that’s really within my control.
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Comments

  1. Helga's Avatar
    Recurring dreams can be more annoying than any nightmare I think. You clearly have a lot on your plate these days.

    I think you need to attack one problem at a time focus on something and try to solve it, or at least make it more bearable. Financial worries are hard to tackle but I know that you are doing your best!

    Also remember my airplane theory
  2. Cunninglinguist's Avatar
    I think rooms in a house (in "your" house) typically represent facets of your life. If a room is locked, for example, it's a facet of your life that you've repressed. If you house is big, maybe you've got a lot going on? Unused rooms as representing unused potential sounds like a sound interpretation, but I don't know. Only you can tell yourself what your dreams mean.

    Having a dream inside of a dream is an interesting one. First: why? Does the fact that the content you're exploring is a dream inside of a dream significant? What does it tell you about your attitude towards this content? Moreover, is the place where you woke up significant?

    Perhaps you're not associating the house with safety but with consistency and a consistent lifestyle which you had when you were a child.
    Updated 03-10-2011 at 02:59 AM by Cunninglinguist
  3. qimissung's Avatar
    Kind of creepy, Fifth. I would definitely say something is going on with you. At least nothing supernatural has come to live with you.

    OK, enough with the jokes. I kind of subscribe to the Jungian subjective theory that everything in a dream is an aspect of yourself. Even though they are three different houses, they are all houses. How you feel in them is an integral part of the dream: threatened and safe. You have acknowledged that this is not a good year, between a difficult financial situation and work; I'm assuming that everything is essentially fine between you and your husband and children. The thing is that even strong people go through periods when things are just not right, and they are complicated and there is just no certain solution looming on the horizon. And maybe if you make some peace with that the intensity of the dreams will no longer be disturbing.

    Cunninglinguist has proposed some good questions. And you should probably ask yourself a few more. Is there anything you can do about your unhappiness at work? Is it simply a matter of growing into a challenging position? Should you go back to your old job? Is that even possible? And if it were, would it be career suicide, or would it mean financial ruin? In which case, of course, it is no longer an option.

    If you like your house, and feel somewhat safe there, you should probably try to keep it, if at all possible. I hope it will be. I'm pretty sure there isn't anything else you can do to live more frugally.

    Is it that you want more time to write? That you would like to do write full time? How is your class going anyway? And can you turn these dreams into some stories or a novel?

    I don't have any answers for you. As someone who likes narrative and yes, the proverbial happy ending, your life sounds disturbingly like mine. Something is wrong. It can never be fixed. And I want you to live happily ever after. Perhaps it's time to try some yoga, and living in the serene now.

    And do find someone wise to talk to. Your mother? A sister-in-law? Friend? would you even consider a therapist?

    Have you ever had a dream, and some part of it came true? Is your subconscious trying to alert you to some unforeseen danger? You seem a little too pragmatic for that, but you never know.

    One thing I know for sure (thank you Oprah), whatever happens, you will make something interesting of it.
    Updated 03-10-2011 at 01:08 AM by qimissung
  4. qimissung's Avatar
    Oh! Helga, what is your airplane theory, if you don't mind my asking?
  5. prendrelemick's Avatar
    You're unsettled. That's when dreams get odd. (with me anyway)
  6. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Yah, enough with the jokes.
  7. Helga's Avatar
    I call it the airplane theory but it is mainly to remind you that you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. In an airplane they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child. If you are struggling for air and trying to help someone else first the outcome could be bad for both of you.

    You can't put yourself on hold all the time.
  8. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Thanks everyone for all your kind comments. I'm a bit of a space cadet at the moment, but it won't last. I've done some serious thinking this morning, and I've realised I can probably work around all my little hang ups, which is what they are. Helga, your airplane theory is bang on the money. I think, perhaps, I have been putting myself on hold, and I need, now, to have some confidence in myself.
    Cunninglinguist you've had some great thoughts, especially about the consistency of lifestyle point. I need to reflect on that a little, but it's a good point.
    Qimi as always, thanks. Meditation is a sound idea, except I'm not ready to turn away from the problem. I need to focus on it. Talking to someone wise would be great. We have a counselling service through work, I might yet call them. I could go back to my old job, but I won't. I'd consider it a terrible failure, it would destroy me. I just need to find the means to cope with this job, and then I'll be fine. I'm getting there. It's not the work, but rather the interpersonal relationships that's the problem. It's an all male arena, with lots of defensive posturing and in walk I, a mere slip of a girl, and think that I can tell them what to do, and there is no acknowledgement of my skill or judgement in what I do, there is simply me up against their '20 years of experience' (as though I have none) and their laurels growing toasty under their backsides. It is going to be a bit of a battle. Now and then, I give up. Hopefully not for too long
  9. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Speaking of disturbing dreams, last night I dreamt I was having an affair with my step-son. Weird
  10. qimissung's Avatar
    I hate dreams like that!

    I'm glad you're spirits are up a little (or so it seems). I do need to make one correction, Fifth. I did not mean that you should turn away from the problem, although you are right in this respect, that I think it is beneficial to turn away from it for a period of time, if only to focus on yourself, as Helga more forthrightly put it. Sometimes in so doing we find answers more easily. Even a laser beam must be turned off for short periods, lest it overheat. Is that a little clearer?
  11. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Ah, I see. You're probably right. Yesterday I spent most of the day making a mop cap and apron for my daughter, who is learning about the Victorians and has to go to school in Victorian dress in a couple of weeks, and it was very therapeutic. I spent many hours not thinking, just doing, and in that way it was quite a meditative process. I think it did me good. Then I went out on my bike and fell off and banged my other elbow and my hip, both of which are now nicely bruised. Another way of doing and not thinking with slightly less helpful effects. Perhaps on the bike I need to keep the laser beams on, and switch them off when I get home Anyway, I do feel better. Thanks
  12. qimissung's Avatar