Reflections on the puddle of life

I'm not really a fan of New Year's resolutions. I don't really do them. That being said, I've been thinking a lot about what I've achieved during 2010, and what I want to develop in 2011. So I'm making a note of it now, so that I don't forget and that when we're into July I can look back and see if I've achieved any of my goals.

2010
2010 was a strange year. It seemed to go really quickly, and not a great deal seemed to happen. But still, these are my achievements from 2010:

Health
Probably the biggest thing that's happened for me this year is health related. This year I finally managed to come off my blood pressure treatment. I don't need it any more. I was diagnosed with hypertension when I was 23 and I've been on some sort of drug therapy since then. They've never really found a cause (they never really do) as I'm not overweight, I don't smoke, there's no history of hypertension in the family and I had no other underlying health conditions. So they just put me on the drugs and that was that. I've never been comfortable with it. So a couple of years ago I started cycling, and that brought the BP down a bit. Then earlier this year I stopped drinking caffeinated drinks. As a result my BP fell another 10-15 points. Now I was getting dizzy spells, and then one day I fainted on the stairs and at that point I decided to have it out with my GP. So I came off the treatment and I've been off it for a few months now, and my BP is stable at around 115/80 which is perfectly normal. If anyone suffers from hypertension, try switching to decaff tea or coffee and it might just help to improve things.

On the other hand, I have been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. This has come on since my GP changed my treatment plan to a drug which is supposed to be kidney protective, but conversely may be kidney damaging. It is possible, though not certain, that my kidney damage may be as a result of the drugs. Of course I will never know, but it is one of the reasons I was so determined to come off them, as my kidney damage has definitely occurred in the period during which I have been taking these drugs, so if it's kidney protective it's not been doing a very good job.

Unfortunately kidney damage is not reversible, so I have traded one underlying long term health condition with another. But at least I am drug free, which is good, and the kidney damage gets me free flu jabs so I guess it's not all bad

Work
I switched jobs in January and it's been a rocky ride. I still think it was the right thing to do, but I've found the last few months extremely challenging. I knew, or should have known, that this would be the case. That being said, I think I've done a creditable job, I've adapted well to the change, and that I'll enter my 'growth' period during 2011, where more things will slot into place and become commonplace, and other challenges I may be more prepared and capable of dealing with.

Personal development
It's good to have some personal development goals. In 2010 I managed the following:

- Cycling for charity - In July I cycled 61.2 miles in aid of The Christie Hospital, and thanks to the generosity of my family, friends and work colleagues I raised £297. It was hard work, but worthwhile.

- Learning Japanese - I learned some Japanese during 2010. Not as much as I'd have hoped, as I've neglected my studies a little over the past couple of months, but I can read Hiragana, and most of the Katakana, and I can introduce myself and be polite at mealtimes, and ask where the bathroom is. My aim is to become more fluent so that, eventually, we can visit Japan and I can get us about with a reasonable degree of confidence.

- Writing - okay, it's not been a great year for writing. I haven't had anything published this year and I've vacilated between poetry and prose. But to springboard myself into writing again, I signed up for a brief OU course and I've put in a creditable performance so far. I think I've settled on the side of prose now, and I've written a few good things which I'm keeping to myself for now. More importantly, I'm learning a few skills, I've re-acclimatised to studying and I've found the whole process reinvigorating.

So that's that for 2010. Not much is it, but there's some big ticket stuff there.

For 2011, my plans are:

Gardening
I really, really need to sort out my garden. I planned on planting an orchard (which consists of 5 fruit trees) and I have 3 trees in so far and need to get in another 2. So once I've sorted out my borders (weeds ,weeds, and more weeds. And they need widening) I'll get myself an apricot tree and a pear tree and I will then officially have an orchard. And maybe a few flowers would be good too. Something to encourage the birds and butterflies.

Aligned to the gardening is a desire to grow some vegetables this year. I can't grow direct in my garden, as we live on an ex-BAE munitions testing site and we're not 100% convinced that the soil/water table is sound. We can get away with it, I think, with the trees, but not so much with veg. So I'm going to get some planters and growbags and work from there.

Japanese
Yes, I want to keep this up and learn some more. Once I've finished my OU course, I'll pick this up again.

Writing
I want to cement my prose writing and start working on a longer work, a novel or novella. I have an idea in mind, in fact I've had it for a long time, but I really need to think about it and flesh it out before I start writing. And I want to write a few successful short stories too, and maybe get something published, though I'm trying not to get too ambitious in that respect. More importantly, I want to feel the joy of it. I've really felt that whilst doing my course, and that's something I want to grow on in 2011.

Sewing
My husband bought a sewing machine last year, and I've diddled around with it and made some curtains, but really I've been a bit scared of it. But I am scared no more, and I intend to get much better at sewing over the next 12 months. Starting as I mean to go on, I made a skirt yesterday and it worked and is quite nice. I'll probably never wear it (!) but it was a trial thing and as a trial thing it was a success. I've learned a fair bit from the process, which is the important bit.

I've also been doing cross stitch, and I'm going to carry on with that too. I've got a panel I've been working on which I'll finish this year. I also used these skills to good effect and made some cross stitched bookmarks for a couple of friends for Christmas, which was both fun for me to do and a nice, touching present for my friends. So I intend to keep that up and, maybe, design some of my own bookmarks. I think that would be fun, and a bit of a challenge.

Work
I want to really push myself in work this year, and keep rising to the challenge. I think I've made a good start to my job, but there's more I can do. I've already got a really tricky project to start with in 2011, so I've got something to sink my teeth into. It involves an area of Marine Insurance I've never been involved with, so it'll be interesting as well as difficult. They're the best types of challenge; I just hope I'm up to the task. But if I'm focused, and flexible, and resilient, and determined I think I can do it. And it will be what I make of it, I believe in that.

Camping
We've not been able to afford to buy a tent yet, but I'm hoping we'll have a little spare cash and be able to go camping next year. I love camping.

Money
We're always skint. Always. Since my husband was made redundant a few years ago we've been really clinging on financially, and with the economy as it is things are going to be tougher still in 2011. But I think if I can try and be thrifty (stop buying books, in other words!), and economise in a few areas we can manage. It's the best we can do. And in a few years things will be easier and then we can have some treats and luxuries and that's exactly what they'll be. Actually, you can learn to live without a lot of things and after doing this for a few years now I've really become more careful about where and how I spend my money, and I've come to learn what the things I need are (health, love, decent food) and what I don't (Sky TV, holidays, a wardrobe full of clothes, pubs, nights out, etc. etc. etc). I feel much better for it. I have a friend who lives around holidays. Her husband has been threatened with redundancy and the one thing she always talks about is how she'll need to downgrade from expensive holidays to local, short breaks. In Britain, we're kind of obsessed with travel, particularly the annual 'foreign holiday'. I haven't been on holiday for 3 years now, and I can honestly say I haven't missed it. Instead we've stayed home. We've got for little day trips to museums (free ones) and we've gone walking or to the beach. Just spending time together as a family is kind of enough. But there was a time when I'd have probably thought the same way she does, so I'm not critical of her for it. It just takes a little adjustment, but despite my comparative poverty and lack of luxuries I'm genuinely happy. So long as the basics are covered, the rest is a bonus. It takes a while, especially living in a consumer driven society, to adjust to that but I think I've done it. So I want to continue to try and be thrifty and thriftier and so long as we can get through these lean years, the benefits will come later. I can live with that.

Phew, that's quite a lot. It feels good to put it down on paper or rather in pixels. New Year is, for some strange reason, a time for reflection and where I think resolutions go wrong is that we make them only once a year. So I'm committing to my goals every day. Every day I want to work hard, do something which extends myself, appreciate my gifts, and accept the things I cannot change. I could probably wax lyrical about all the things I want to be better at, and the ways in which I could be a better person, but I think I can sum it down into this: be kind, do your best and don't be too critical. A resolution, if there is one, but one I think I can commit to.

Have a lovely 2011 everyone.