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Halls of the Dark Muse

The Horror! The Horror!

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I had to venture into the depths of the dark abyss otherwise known as the mall, which is something I normally avoid like the plague. Because Romero was right, it is over run by zombies. Slow moving, most likely brain dead individuals who though they may not be very fast or all that intelligent can over power you by the sheer force of their numbers.

In addition to trying to navigate around this mass there are the countless kiosks with overly peppy individuals trying to sell you stuff that you do not need and do not want. I had one guy try to ask me something about ladies perfume, and while I might theoretical fit the description of "lady" at least in terms of pure biology, considering I was currently wearing a men's thermal shirt and a pair of jeans, I really did not look like someone who would be the least be interested in perfume.

If this is not bad enough, it seems like the majority of the mall has now been taken over completely by hipster clothing stores to appeal to said mindless zombies, and the stores I use to most enjoy and shop at are no longer there.

As it happens I was looking for a woman's wallet for someone and first I tried looking in JC Penny's because I thought that seemed like the kind of place which would have such a thing, and after finding the handbag//wallet section, I was quite tempted to go up to someone and ask them "Excuse me, but where do you keep your non-ugly wallets" But I figured that would not go over that well and probably just confuse the employee.

Thus I figured the best place to find such a thing I was looking for was in one of those afore mentioned hipster clothing stores. Now I hate going into those stores and some of them in fact frighten me, a couple I could not even get past the threshold, it was as if there was an invisible force field keeping me out and made me just want to run away. I have an acute awareness that I have no place in such stores, and would not in fact wear any of the clothes they sell and keep expecting one of the attendants to come up to me and ask "Excuse me but are you lost? Are you sure you are in the right store?" And for all that I still did not find any wallets that I thought would do.

You can also actually feel the vapors of Hades rising up into the mall, no matter what the weather is outside, it is always frightfully hot within the mall and always dehydrates me.
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Random Musings

Comments

  1. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    God bless, I have to venture down there again today. Very good blog entry- quite funny.
  2. qimissung's Avatar
    Lol. They do reek of fire and brimstone, don't they? I, too, hate the mall. At Christmas they are packed, you have to walk forever, and they are expensive.
  3. motherhubbard's Avatar
    I haven't been to the mall in ... hm... 8 years. I'm not going this year either Doller General, K-mart, and a grocery store are in a stripmall right next to the school where I teach. If they don't have it I probably don't need it and couldn't afford it anyway.
  4. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    I love Kmart!

    And, I decided against the mall. I was able to avoid it after thinking about your blog entry.
  5. Silas Thorne's Avatar
    Many people, deprived of sunlight and given an excess of junk food and advertising, will give up their previous lives and be lost within. Yes, it is wise to keep moving while in such places and do not be distracted from a purchase decided upon before entering the maze.
    If you somehow find yourself on a higher floor, and are in need of a sudden exit, you could turn into Jackie Chan, and do this (the jump at 6:35 or so):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ2Z8...eature=related
  6. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Silas Thorne
    Many people, deprived of sunlight and given an excess of junk food and advertising, will give up their previous lives and be lost within. Yes, it is wise to keep moving while in such places and do not be distracted from a purchase decided upon before entering the maze.
    If you somehow find yourself on a higher floor, and are in need of a sudden exit, you could turn into Jackie Chan, and do this (the jump at 6:35 or so):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ2Z8...eature=related
    While it is true that I myself am deprvied of sunlight

    I do try to aviod excess junk food and advertising.

    Strangely enough, when I am left with too much time on my hands, and forced into entering public places and because I do watch too many Action Adventure movies, I always play this game in my head where I formulate emergency exit plans in the event armed men should suddenly be chasing me. I will try and calculate things of which I could potentially climb over or across, distances it would be possible to jump or fall without too server of injury.
  7. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jersea
    I love Kmart!

    And, I decided against the mall. I was able to avoid it after thinking about your blog entry.
    Haha good for you!