Paulclem
November 5th 2010
by , 11-05-2010 at 07:37 PM (2357 Views)
It's that time of year again: when it rains copiously, the dog goes mad twitching between barking anger and fear, and half the population blow their well earned cash on the dubious celebration that is Bonfire Night. I say half the population - a quarter will sensibly wait for a drier night, and the other quarter are in comforting the dog and mopping up pee because the dog won't venture into the explosive environment.
I must confess that Bonfire Night was a great celebration when I was a kid. Virtually the whole country would light huge bonfires made from locally, but illegally, felled trees and filtched gates and stolen "For Sale" signs. To these would be added the year's accumulation of junk and defunct furniture. Recycling? Pollution? What? Burn the lot along with the old tyres from the garage! Oh how they sang and burned green in the flames.
These constructions would be piled high and blazed all night whilst families would set off fireworks and fire rockets into the firmament. Most of the time they didn't collapse and bury someone under burning debris.
Then the next night we could watch the appalled documentaries and news stories that reported the extensive burns and casualties that had swamped the (free - US friends) accident and emergencies across the whole country. Further nights' entertainment was provided by the statistics of the terrible injuries sustained, the cost to the Fire Brigade, the "firework in the pocket that went off" horror stories. We would swap our near miss stories such as when my mates and I had to take cover behind a wall when the rocket didn't go up, but tipped over and showered us with burning phosphor - or whatever highly flammable material was used then.
Then later, when older, but not much wiser, I reflected that we were celebrating the demise of a 400 year old Catholic. Yes, he was part of a plot to blow up Parliament, but no-one gets a sentence that stretches into the afterlife do they? Not even a terrorist. Plus he wasn't even the ringleader - just the poor sap that the plotters had positioned with the incriminating evidence.
I think - and not just for the pets and pet lovers around the country - we need a change. This time of year does provide us with an amusing alternative that is growing in popularity and doesn't involve huge bangs, more like groans and screams.
Yes - Halloween. We've already got the get up - it's now to be found in pound shops around the country, so the costumes and accoutrements don't have to be stored but can be thrown out when they have had their night's worth of fun. Let's go for the big - US style fancy dress party instead We can still have the baked potatoes, pork pies and mushy peas, parkin and toffee apples if we want. We can include house parties - fireworks don't go off well in lounges - discos or raves, (depending upon your age) - have novelty food and sweets, tire out the kids and still keep the dog happy. Almost everybody wins.
Halloween - it has it all, and we're not victimising some 400 year old Catholic guy - Guy Fawkes. Though if you have issues with the church you can celebrate in the happy knowledge that Halloween is not welcome in some circles.
I'll end with a poem pleading poor old Guy's case.
Guy Fawkes *
We watch a wretch,
A patchwork mess
Of rags and bags
Tied up with string,
Burn to death.
Whilst logs and fires
And sticks and things
Spark and sing,
And fireworks larking
Casts a phosphor ring.
But it's no witch
Upon the burning pyre,
The frightful fire,
But Guy Fawkes
captured, tortured, dead.
With sparks like weals
Upon his back.
Sits crackling red
And livid green,
And snaps like bones
Upon a rack.
And looking out between the flames
He shouts his bright tormentor's names
Such as he shouts out every year
Whilst faces glow amidst his fear.
They cannot answer for their names
Are not such as they were in time,
But he is sure the faces here,
Are just the same as in his year.
Let's give old Guy a break and go for Halloween.
EDIT:
*The practice was to stuff some old clothes with newspaper, and make a head out of a stuffed bag. You would then throw this Guy on the bonfire to be burned. It was supposed to represent Guy Fawkes.
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