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A Lonely Traveller

A Canopy of Dark Cloud

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3 Comments
by
angliholic
, 08-07-2010 at 10:27 PM (1065 Views)

What an elegant lace parasol you are! In scorching hot summer, you fend off the malicious sunlight
for the young ladies in daylight,
as cheerful as daffodils, swaying
to the melody,
the summer breeze
you bring.


Dancing gracefully
after
your footsteps,
the misty rain
trickling lightly
down
like
a fine gentle hand
caressing
each
flower
bud
in
this
green
land.

Updated 08-08-2010 at 03:34 PM by angliholic

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Comments

  1. Virgil's Avatar
    This is really beautiful and innovative too. In that very first line, do you mean, "With an elegant lace parasol...". Otherwise I don't think it's grammatically correct.
  2. angliholic's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil
    This is really beautiful and innovative too. In that very first line, do you mean, "With an elegant lace parasol...". Otherwise I don't think it's grammatically correct.
    Thanks, Virgil, for the feedback.

    In the first line, here is what I mean:

    What an elegant lace parasol you (a canopy of dark cloud) are! In the scorching hot summer, (you) fighting off all the malicious sunlight
    for the young ladies in bright daylight!

    If it still doesn't work, then I'll try to reword it!
    Thanks again for pointing it out for me.
    I'm here to practice my English after all!

    Regards,
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    No, no, it's perfect. I guess last night I didn't notice the exclamation mark ending the sentence. It's a beautiful line!