day in a life

is the title of a song by Will Oldham. Every Time I hear it I think of myself and I how I used to put up a face for people to see cause I didn't think the real thing was good enough. After a long time in disguise it's hard to take the mask down. I don't think I do this anymore, at least no more than anyone else, I try to show my good side. I wonder why people do this. It's funny how you see yourself in songs or books. I have always seen myself as Helena in Midsummer nights dream. she was so depressed and lovesick for a man who only wanted her friend. A friend who every man seemed to fall for. you know the end, that was always what I wanted. for a long time I felt like I was a person in a song by Aimee Mann, Driving sideways' she is really good I love her music and this song hit a nerve but now it's not me anymore. I don't know what 'me' is, maybe I should stop comparing myself to characters in books and songs. this past week has been really difficult, I have never been for so long away from my son. but he will be home tomorrow. and I survived, I can do this. I haven't been out that much and just tried to keep myself busy. The thing is this is what I wanted, I wanted to be single and I am happy about that, the sharing the boy is what kept me in this relationship for so long and now I just need to get used to it, and it does have it's good parts, when he is home I wouldn't have french fries for dinner...