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I made an attempt to give the Long Suffering Wife her due and deliberately made it respectful, short and complete absence of teasing.

The Drama Queen was NOT amused. Already I have her whispering imprecations and rebukes in my ear for retiring Snapjaws one season ahead of his eventaul trip to a dump yard in lieu of a fellow who mows the lawn faithfully every two Thursdays.

And I pick NOW to behave on Litnet. For over a day now the mantra has been: Write the entry you SHOULD have. Honor the Long Suffering Lady. You fool no one with this pitiful attempt to curry favor.

So without further ado:

Ruth Gets Job---as would have been written under my normal moods:

Thursday would be a day of change for me on a number of levels. I was celebrating day three of four off from my place of dubious employment not looking forward to the 17 in a row starting Saturday. To make the bookkeeping work out Tuesday and Wednesday were charged as work days to be paid for while I merely sign in for the weekend. Still will have two overtime days at the end of it all and I envisioned making a final payment to the Dayton Heart Hospital and then begin working on earnest on the next lowest bill.

I had been up all night chatting with a friend online until 5:30 am in the morning. An eight hour time zone difference is easy for her--not so much for me. As much as I enjoy our talks about pretty much mundane issues I wish it was a certain well liked moderator that was costing me beauty sleep that never quite keeps its promise of rejuvenation.

Worse the landlord came by Wednesday night and did some tree trimming or giant weed trimming. Sumac trees. I could have lived the rest of my life and never cared if I knew their name. The landlord is aware of my heart condition and I've been able to use that in small ways to avoid work I have no interest in doing. Using Snapjaws for instance. It's worth $20 every two weeks to take that burden off my shoulders. But now there are a pile of branches to be cleaned up and several in the front yard I need to get rid of before Brad (my mower guy) comes to make the city of Fairborn happy in its residential appearance. My landlord smilingly reminded me that per the lease yardwork is actually MY job. Sigh.

This is a little secret. I actually like breaking up tree branches and getting them picked up. Reminds me of that old game Pic Up Sticks and I treat it like a military operation--slowly conquering real estate and gaining territory by removal of invading hostile limbs.

It's payday for the Mrs. and she's making a grave mistake trusting me with her money. After over a year since graduating she has been offered a trial at a cardiologist since Monday hoping to finally make a start on her career dream. This has only been the second time working on probation. The less said about the first outing the better but so far this seems to be going well. Truthfulness must admit on day 2 she was having a small crisis of confidence but Wednesday went better and these people seem more patient and encouraging.

So I'm entrusted with the bills. Her major risk is that I'll overpay the bills as my current philosophy is sooner I pay up the sooner I can play again. In fairness to her I ask her how much she needs held back for fuel and groceries and a set amount is determined with only one of change of mind on her part. Wise woman. She even says I can buy something at the Bookery. Ahhh Brownie points.

So after about three hours of sleep I arise and get the money withdrawn and buy some leaf disposal brown bags from the hardware store.

I begin clearing the front yard about 9:28 am expecting my landscape expert around 10:30 am. I finish trimming the leaves off three long branches and sawing them down to size in about an hour. I still can see the look of astonishment in my landlord's eye when he discovered I actually owned and knew how to use a saw.

By 10:50 I'm getting antsy about being on my way. Brad is running late. I reshower (thanks to the yard work) and discover Brad starting the back yard. I hand him his $20, chat amiably long enough to be polite and off I go to see my ladies at Cashland.

Angie is dressed in her summer wear and I rigidly keep eye contact with her. Well almost. She and I are long past the look and drool stage plus it's hard to flirt when they trust you. The place is strangely empty and I begin spotting more of the cameras they have around the ceiling for fun while Angie and the money order machine have their usual fight trying to get the currency printed. Perhaps I can introduce the cantankerous dispenser to Snapjaws. Angie has more pictures of his kids on the counter and I ooh and ahh appropriately while my eye contact wavers and the better half of me says grow up--Danielle at the city building is single--go bother her.

That is an excellent idea. Ten minutes later I'm paying the city utility bill then going across to the other side of the building where Danielle is NOT working today. Sigh. This portion of city governemnt is in charge of the ambulance billing and I hand in my $10 token and make the usual comment about the balance isn't matching up with my count. This hint is never taken. Like it or not I'm going to have to get into my receipts box at the house and collect them up and hold them ready when the final tally is rendered up. Another time.

At the Post Office I mail out the five bills that almost finishes up July (Cable TV bill remaining--technically paid but the due date is so early in the month I still consider it a July bill instead of August).

I arrive at the Bookery next and to my alarm find Batman 701 on sale and the remaining issue 700s removed. Tim is having a very bad two weeks plus while I am there there is a shoplifting incident across the street in his gaming store he has to attend to so the visit is cut short.

I consider lunch but a need for sleep is finally taking its toll. There was just a little in my file. But freebies form the Mrs. are never to be sneezed at.

Lunch is skipped, mags are being read when the cell phone vibrates. I lie on the bed considering whether to answer or not. The creditors aren't as numerous but still a presence. In fact Bank of America called at work the other night. This fellow would appreciate a call the next day--which I actually did. Was bemused that it was the Fraud department of Bank of America at the extension provided. Confusion on both sides and I left feeling my duty performed. I'm finally back on a monthly basis with them. But I really should throw some more their way. My largest personal debt.

I finally check the phone and it's the Mrs. Probably wanting to know if I actually got out of bed and got things done or not. There is of course a basis for these sorts of fears.

Instead it's the news I really was beginning to think would never happen based on her age and inexperience. The cardiologist wants to hire her. I do a quick inventory of my spiritual condition to see if I can steal any credit for this blessing. No hope there. The Holy Spirit is VERY faithful at pointing out my sins. I decide mercy abounding is more approrpiate as the ego just will NOT let loose of the concept of it's all about me. I actually dread those first few moments in Heaven and we'll see if I've been fooling myself all these years. But that's another story.

Ruth is on her way home and a large smile on her face. She announces that her friend in Indiana Amy is very pleased. I reply "You probably called her first." Another smile but sleep deprivation prevents the chain of thought being completed.

For awhile.

To put that in context--when I first got engaged to Ruth I DID NOT call my mother first with the news. I called my high school friend Sandy to share the blessing with.

Ruth had to work later that day at Meijers and I had a bit of nap and debating who to share the news with first. Then I remembered Ruth didn't disagree with my remark about her erstwhile friend. Hmmm. She is as obsessed with her as I am with Avengers collecting.

Husbandly pride and place of position in the pecking order is at stake here. I hold off on any calls and await her return at night.

Ruth is preparing supper when I belabor the news bulletin announcing with the idea that Ruth isn't the type to lie about anything. Silence has always been her best ally. Which is why she would not have been a good fit at the call center. She finally admits she called Amy first then me. I did not work hard to confirm being in the second place.

I laugh--remind her that Amy is simply me in a female form and with less self awareness. And that God probably wanted to keep me humble.

Yes--it will always be about me. Part of my charm it believe.