the ocean always dreamed blue dreams

Assuredly one of the best of your poems. Not sure I get whose point of view dictates that her blood, at the end, is "sweet" but the most obvious possibility is that it is her regret at the end of the sweetness she found in life itself. A few typos or other suggestions:

the freighter lists
like a drunken girl
wearing only a petticoat, who,
with one eye closed,
does not see the danger

that with brutish hands
makes it's delete the apostropheway onto the deck
and with the casual swipe of it's delete the apostrophepaw
undresses her-
what a pretty target she has made-
and takes
what isn't his
as though it is

she lays should be "lies"still upon the deckyou've been sparing with punctuation but I think something is needed at the end of this line, otherwise we start the next line on a false footing or an uncertain one
out on the ocean's swell no laws of man
surround her
and from her wounds, the sweet blood flows
God, that ending is powerful, all the more so because of your habitual way of not sensationalizing anything!

This is a frightening poem! But it tells a fairly detailed story with few words -- I like.

Grim--chills running up and down the spine over this one.

Thank you, Prince, Comedian, and Rich. I like to examine something that is relatively painful and write something that has some truth to it. There are some things we should not look away from, and I hope that I write about these things in a way that makes them somewhat palatable.

It really is outstanding, though I don't think I can't grasp the full meaning. That openning stanza is a Homeric simile if you didn't realize.

That ending is powerful as Prince says, and so I would not telecast it as the title; just my ideosyncratic preference.

Yes, you do need to learn how to use the apostrophe.

One other thing, I'm taken by your use of the verb "lists" in the first line. Wonderful!

Thank you, Virgil. Titles are hard for some reason. I'm not going to worry about my apostrophes, because I've got you and Prince.

I did not realize it was a Homeric simile; a lttle annoying really, since I have taught "The Odyssey." Thanks for pointing that out. I actually like it a little better now that I know that.

Hi Qimi I've got mixed feelings about this one. It is beautifully written, as always, and your imagery is powerful and profound. But I got a bit lost, and whilst I don't usually place a great deal of emphasis on literal meaning when it comes to poetry, after all poetry is metaphoric and representative and not necessarily about what it's about, I got confused over whether we were still dealing with the freighter or the girl and it was enough to make me stop and question which jarred me out of the poem. And I enjoy being carried along by your poetry a very great deal, so this one seems unusual to me.

That being said, I love the way you imply without saying. With these lines:

and takes
what isn't his
as though it is

which, to me, were the most powerful words in this poem because they say so much without saying much at all. The kind of words that catch in your throat. And it is left to the reader to fill the gaps, which is one of the things I love about poetry, the way the reader is led, through someone else's words, to their own experience. Nicely done.

Thank you, fifth. So I see I still have some work to do on this. I have made a few changes, believe it or not, to keep the focus on the boat. I think part of the problem is that I am trying not to be to specific, and, since, it is short I have relied on the girl metphor to maKe my point. Your input haS actually been the most helpful so far. Thanks.

Ok, I made a few changes and I think its less confusing.

I can't really tell the difference, but I for one love the ambiguity between the ship and the girl. I originally read it as the danger and the drama referring to the girl. For some reason I find that more profound than the danger to the ship.

Thanks virgil; so did Prince