A Mirror Floating in Water

I don't know if this will make a whole lot of sense. I've just been through so much in the last four hours that it's seemed like a dream. Oh God, this was one of the most bizzare, craziest and emotionally challenging days of my life. If there is a God, let Him be blessed for all his goodness, and let him be scorned for all of his evil.

Nauseas, tired, lathargic, I go to bed. "****ing boring day," I say. Got nothing done.

Head hits the pillow at five and I await my parents to come home from Chicago.

Unspecified time: I awake as if still in a dream. I have awoken in a hell of strangeness. My senses are bombarded by the most surreal and unnerving sounds. The room is mellow, it is twilight. The world feels out of place. "The moon is down; I have not heard the clock."

A voice calling me like an old farmer amongst the planes of the Mid-West, calling the name of a lost child. "Daniel!" A chaotic barking as unnerving as darkness itself.

When I slowly emerge from the chaos of my senses I think "Goddamn Mari barking at nothing." I knew Dad and Diane were home for I had slept through the evening.

The calling persists.

I then come to a point of thinking "I'm going to have to go downstairs and investigate if no one else will."

I run downstairs. Something is wrong, something must be wrong. I find Mari in the living room barking. There is a banging at the door and windows. I see a figure. The calling, the knocking. As dreadful as the raven in Poe's poem.

I go up to the door hastily to look into the darkness. A figure whose shape distorted made me think it was my father and yet it was an old and scrawny figure.

It is Diane's father. I open the door. Michael's face appears behind the screen. He tells me that he's been trying to get a hold of me. He tells me that he's been knocking and calling from outside my window. His knuckles had begun hurting. He tells me that my Dad, Diane, Emily, Jaryd and the baby are in Milawaukee right now. He tells me that they were in an accident. He tells me that the car flipped over three times on the highway and landed upside down.

I am all alone in the house. There is Mari. I was bored most of the day and played with her. I was planning to go with them at first to see Amber in her dorm, but then had a change of plans when we figured we were going to take Emily's car, which wouldn't be very comfortable for us packed in the back seat. I stayed.

There are moments of unreality for us. Those bizzare, surreal, illogical moments of total unreality. This was one of them. Michael was standing behind the screen door in the twilight, his old scrawny face distorted by the screen. That friendly yet authoritative voice. Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily Dad Dad Dad Dad Dad Dad Diane Diane Diane Diane Diane Jaryd Jaryd Jaryd Jaryd Jaryd. My God! Payten! Three weeks old. Newborn!

He tells me that everyone's alive and that Emily broke her elbow and needed stitches in her knee. He tells me that everyone is beat up pretty bad with bruises and cuts. The baby is fine though, not a scratch. Diane had it the worst. Her face was said to be the most bruised and beat up.

Friendly exchagnes. Familial encouragement. "It is only by the grace of God that they're still alive." He says that and leaves. All I can do is apologize for making him wait so long.

Pacing around the house. Bruises. Beat up. Car crash. Baby. Baby-seat. Glass. Scratches. Blood. Broken elbows. ****!

I email my psychiatrist. She tells me to breathe. I breathe. I call her. We talk. I spill out. She tells me of how she was once in an accident when she was nineteen. Her words are southing and I realize that my family is still alive. They're not dead. They're not dead. Diane is badly bruised in the face and Emily broke her elbow. That's all. "It is only by the grace of God that they're still alive." Michael leaves. I pace around the house. I call Elizabeth. She tells me that there's nothing to fear, everyone's fine.

I wait.

Hour goes by.

Elizabeth suggested watching a movie, reading a book, eat, something, anything to distract me.

Mari whines for chicken as I eat in front of her. It's her fault for believing that she's entitled to it.

And remember, KEEP BREATHING.

News! News is what works. Politics. Politics, politics. That distant strange irrational world. That's what I need. Fake journalists, fake politicians (though, is there is politician that doesn't lie?), all of you, how I love thee. I watch the news for hours. Obama. Healthcare. Some guy in Appleton killed this other guy. Drugs.

Brownies. Stomach-ache.

Eleven o'clock.

Emily's the first one to walk into the house. She has a cast and a big bandage around her knee. "Emily!" I shout. I can't contain myself. I cry into her shoulder.

Diane enters. Her eye makes me cry out and look away. I run to her and stuff my face into her shoulder and repear "I love you" a thousand times.

My father walks in and I run into his arms crying. I tell him how he's my hero and how he's so brave for getting everyone out of the car. He's the bravest man I know.

Payten, that darling beautiful perfect baby, she is asleep. She is life within my hands. I love her so much. I hold her in my arms. I love more than anything now. I love my family.