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by
skib
, 04-06-2010 at 11:19 AM (1384 Views)
Do you ever have those days where you wake up and want nothing more than to disappear? All you want is to not see anyone for a long, long time? It was one of those mornings. I've been having all these wacky-*** dreams lately, no doubt compliments of the constant debate going on in my brain. (No, the effort with Girl A never got off the ground. I've all but given up on that.) Anyway, I've been dreaming these insane, weird yet entertaining dreams lately. This morning, I don't remember what it was about. All I know is that lately, I have not wanted to wake up. And when I finally do wake up, I don't want to talk to anyone. My mother has this terrible habit of yacking my head off when I haven't even had my coffee. I don't want to deal with it. I love my family, but it's about time I went away for a while. The combination of my class kicking my ***, wanting to get away from my hometown (which I absolutely despise now,) girl problems, and having damn near no friends in town any more, and my family driving me crazy, I want to do what I used to be able to. Run.
I know that running is only a temporary solution. But it works long enough for me to get my ducks in a line. When I was younger, I would run away to the mountains every summer and think my problems through, hiking every inch of those mountains. Now, with school, work and everything in between, I don't have the time to do that any more. I miss my home. I left a piece of my heart there for crying out loud. In the last two years, I've only spent a few weeks there at the most. It feels wrong that I cannot spend my time in the one place I love more than anything.
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Comments

  1. applepie's Avatar
    Take a vacation even if it is just a short weekend. I know I wasn't ready to come home, but I don't feel a need to run away at the moment either. Sometimes just a short run is enough :)
  2. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    You're like boy version of me, in a lot of ways. I don't call it 'running away', though, I'd call it... pursuing... if you think of it as pursuing peace and serenity within yourself (sapppy) as opposed to fleeing from the things which plague you, you're more likely to succeed, in my eyes. Good luck.
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    Somehow these are appropriate:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySO-g...eature=related

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_bvT-DGcWw

  4. skib's Avatar
    Meg- That does work. I'm planning on a camping trip as soon as I can go without getting snowed on. And if a short run's all I get, I'll take it.

    Becca- Glad someone sees it like me! Thanks!

    Virgil- Those just made my day! Thanks a bunch!
  5. qimissung's Avatar
    Yeah, it definitely sounds like you need to get away for awhile.
    Time to reconnect with Mother Nature.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbfiO4LLiqo

    It's the other thing that's in the air, besides love, I guess.
  6. JuniperWoolf's Avatar
    I think taking off is a very, very good idea. I tend to do that a lot... it's such an awsome feeling just hopping on a bus in the middle of the night and waking up in Vancouver. Do it! You're a boy (so you don't have to worry about the same nasty things happening to you when you travel alone like a girl does), just hop on a bus/take to the highway and book it! You only live once. If you wind up somewhere in the Rocky Mountains near Jasper, I'll house you for a bit.
  7. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    I like you skib. You say what's on your mind.

    It's okay to feel like running. It's okay to feel like you want to retreat to a place of safety, a place where you feel like you're in control. That's why you want to go home. You've been through some emotional turmoil recently, and you want to go back to a place where you felt secure and happy. And you recognise that too, which is good. What you, perhaps, need to think about doing is finding a way of creating that feeling of safety where you are right now, and once you've achieved that I think you'll be just fine.

    Skib, you always strike me as someone who understands yourself. Sometimes that is a blessing and sometimes it's a curse. If you can focus on the positive side, then that'll go a long way to making things feel better. Because you are smart and independent and strong willed and determined, and you're not one of the herd and you're never going to be. These are all positive attributes. Eventually you'll stop beating yourself up about it and then you'll add confidence to that list. What more do you need? Love? That'll come, and it'll be brilliant when it does. But you need to add confidence to the list first. If you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect someone else to?

    Anyway, I'm not worried about you. You're strong and when you land you'll land on your feet. Best wishes, Fifth.