Biggus
07-24-2019, 08:12 AM
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 426
Simple Simon met a pie man,
Going to the fair,
The pie man worked at Greggs
And his name was Kerr
MY REMOTE CONTROL STOPPED WORKING
My remote control stopped working
And wouldn’t operate the TV
It turned out that the batteries were dead
It was nothing short of AA calamity
I HAVE SUFFERED WITH KIDNEY STONES
I have suffered with Kidney stones
But I am happy to declare
That Elvis has left the building
With more than one Jordanaire
MY BEST FRIEND ASKED ABOUT MY MARRIAGE
My best friend asked about my marriage
And how things were going there
I said I hadn’t spoken to her for three weeks
As I didn't want to interrupt her
ARE YOU WEARING POINTY SHOES?
Are you wearing pointy shoes?
Is that because they are on trend?
Well I’m sorry but I have to ask
“Do your toes go right to the end?”
IF YOU NEED HELP WHEN MOVING HOUSE
If you need help when moving house
You can always call on your buddies
It’s to be expected from everyday friends
But great friends help you move bodies
AN AGE OLD ADAGE THAT I KNOW
An age old adage that I know
States that friends may come and go
But more worrying to calculate
Is that enemies tend to accumulate
IF YOU SCRATCH A CYNIC
If you scratch a cynic,
Beneath the exterior,
You will probably find
A disappointed dreamer
DON’T LOOK BACK TO YESTERDAY
Don’t look back to yesterday
Because that is now history
Instead look ahead to tomorrow
Because the future is a mystery
DON’T TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED
Don’t take life for granted
Treat each day as a gift
They’re aptly called the present
And each one gives you a lift
DOES THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
Does the pursuit of happiness
Leave you ultimately unhappy
Then don’t pursue happiness,
Instead you should just be happy
YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE AVOIDING CONFLICT
“You spend your life avoiding conflict”
My new therapist has just said
I suppose he has a point, because visiting
War zones fills me with dread
Simple Simon met a pie man,
Going to the fair,
The pie man worked at Greggs
And his name was Kerr
MY REMOTE CONTROL STOPPED WORKING
My remote control stopped working
And wouldn’t operate the TV
It turned out that the batteries were dead
It was nothing short of AA calamity
I HAVE SUFFERED WITH KIDNEY STONES
I have suffered with Kidney stones
But I am happy to declare
That Elvis has left the building
With more than one Jordanaire
MY BEST FRIEND ASKED ABOUT MY MARRIAGE
My best friend asked about my marriage
And how things were going there
I said I hadn’t spoken to her for three weeks
As I didn't want to interrupt her
ARE YOU WEARING POINTY SHOES?
Are you wearing pointy shoes?
Is that because they are on trend?
Well I’m sorry but I have to ask
“Do your toes go right to the end?”
IF YOU NEED HELP WHEN MOVING HOUSE
If you need help when moving house
You can always call on your buddies
It’s to be expected from everyday friends
But great friends help you move bodies
AN AGE OLD ADAGE THAT I KNOW
An age old adage that I know
States that friends may come and go
But more worrying to calculate
Is that enemies tend to accumulate
IF YOU SCRATCH A CYNIC
If you scratch a cynic,
Beneath the exterior,
You will probably find
A disappointed dreamer
DON’T LOOK BACK TO YESTERDAY
Don’t look back to yesterday
Because that is now history
Instead look ahead to tomorrow
Because the future is a mystery
DON’T TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED
Don’t take life for granted
Treat each day as a gift
They’re aptly called the present
And each one gives you a lift
DOES THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
Does the pursuit of happiness
Leave you ultimately unhappy
Then don’t pursue happiness,
Instead you should just be happy
YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE AVOIDING CONFLICT
“You spend your life avoiding conflict”
My new therapist has just said
I suppose he has a point, because visiting
War zones fills me with dread