lyrical

[cacian]

love a spirit
free to inherit
leisure likes
merits
is hysterics
it has not learned
lyrics are the
foundations of relics
that preserve when the heart
reserves what a feeling deserves.

[Shadowlight]

Hi Cacian, glad to see an offering!

Lyrical is the perfect title for this :)

When I am writing metered poetry, I write the meter as if it were music.
Music is fairly predictable in that it is based off of counts.
It's that predictability, that structure, that makes us able to dance to it, and aesthetically pleasing to watch a dance.
Reading rhyming poetry is kind of like listening to music.
Its that predictability that makes it easier and more enjoyable to read.

Sometimes music will break its meter intermittently for effect or to change mood, right.
You can do the same in poetry, but if you do it too often you lose your basic structure/meter.

Most music has 32 counts of which it is consistently predictable.
Even jazz, that is improv based, will stick with the same feel/rythme for awhile- maybe around 16 or so counts.


In writing, it is the syllables that make the counts

So here's the counts for your poem per syllable breakdown:

love (1) a(1) spi-rit(2)..................4 counts total
free (1) to (1) in-he-rit (3)............5 counts
lei-sure (2) likes (1).....................3 counts
me-rits (2)..................................2
is hy-ste-rics...............................4
it (1) has(1) not(1) learned(1).......4
ly-rics are the..............................3
foun-da-tions of re-lics..................6
that pre-serve when the heart........7
re-serves what a fee-ling de-serves8

She how the the counts aren't uniform, there's no pattern.
I tried giving it form with as little modification to meaning as I could come up with:

love a spirit 4
free to inherit 5
leisure-like merits 5
in hysterics 4

it has not learned 4
lyrics are relics 5
foundations preserved 5
when hearts preserve 4
the feelings, all hearts, deserve 7 (you can break away from meter at the end because it isnt going to be followed up with anything after)

So this kind of reads like a rap because the syllables per verse are short, making the reader want to read through them fast... like rap. Listen to rap and much of it has short verses with few syllables. You can change the pace a reader reads by modifying how many syllable you have per verse. Im going to make some modifications in counts and rythme structure now:


love is a spirit 5
who freely inherits 5
leisure by it's hysterical merit.10
Not having yet learned 5
lyrics are relics 5
Preserved in the feeling they choose to serve 10

You see how the increased syllables per verse makes the reader have to slow down, just like music.


Im no expert in writing or music but I hope this helps you think of the connection of syllables to meter and how that feels for the reader

[Shadowlight]

lyrics are the foundations of relics
that preserve when the heart
reserves what a feeling deserves.

This is especially beautifully said, to think of our words/poems as the foundation of the relics of our feelings. So true.

[cacian]

Hi Cacian, glad to see an offering!

Lyrical is the perfect title for this :)

When I am writing metered poetry, I write the meter as if it were music.
Music is fairly predictable in that it is based off of counts.
It's that predictability, that structure, that makes us able to dance to it, and aesthetically pleasing to watch a dance.
Reading rhyming poetry is kind of like listening to music.
Its that predictability that makes it easier and more enjoyable to read.

Sometimes music will break its meter intermittently for effect or to change mood, right.
You can do the same in poetry, but if you do it too often you lose your basic structure/meter.

Most music has 32 counts of which it is consistently predictable.
Even jazz, that is improv based, will stick with the same feel/rythme for awhile- maybe around 16 or so counts.


In writing, it is the syllables that make the counts

So here's the counts for your poem per syllable breakdown:

love (1) a(1) spi-rit(2)..................4 counts total
free (1) to (1) in-he-rit (3)............5 counts
lei-sure (2) likes (1).....................3 counts
me-rits (2)..................................2
is hy-ste-rics...............................4
it (1) has(1) not(1) learned(1).......4
ly-rics are the..............................3
foun-da-tions of re-lics..................6
that pre-serve when the heart........7
re-serves what a fee-ling de-serves8

She how the the counts aren't uniform, there's no pattern.
I tried giving it form with as little modification to meaning as I could come up with:

love a spirit 4
free to inherit 5
leisure-like merits 5
in hysterics 4

it has not learned 4
lyrics are relics 5
foundations preserved 5
when hearts preserve 4
the feelings, all hearts, deserve 7 (you can break away from meter at the end because it isnt going to be followed up with anything after)

So this kind of reads like a rap because the syllables per verse are short, making the reader want to read through them fast... like rap. Listen to rap and much of it has short verses with few syllables. You can change the pace a reader reads by modifying how many syllable you have per verse. Im going to make some modifications in counts and rythme structure now:


love is a spirit 5
who freely inherits 5
leisure by it's hysterical merit.10
Not having yet learned 5
lyrics are relics 5
Preserved in the feeling they choose to serve 10

You see how the increased syllables per verse makes the reader have to slow down, just like music.


Im no expert in writing or music but I hope this helps you think of the connection of syllables to meter and how that feels for the reader

Wow Shadowlight this amazing. I never thought of poetry this way. This is so interesting to read and take in. Thank you for taking the time to write this feedback. I much enjoyed. :)

[cacian]

lyrics are the foundations of relics
that preserve when the heart
reserves what a feeling deserves.

This is especially beautifully said, to think of our words/poems as the foundation of the relics of our feelings. So true.

Thank you so glad you liked these lines.