Biggus
09-07-2018, 03:42 AM
THE TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE IS FANTASTIC # 1
The technology available is fantastic
But is it more trouble than it’s worth
And will our worst fears be realised
And shall the geek inherit the earth
CHINESE GOOSEBERRIES
Chinese Gooseberries aren’t Chinese
Imagine my shock at being misled
They do not originate from China at all
But come from New Zealand instead
MARITAL HONESTY
“It's just too hot to wear clothes today so I
Think I’ll cut the lawn naked, honey?”
She replied “Ok, if you don’t mind the neighbours
Thinking I married you for your money”
A MULLIGAN
The Golfing term “mulligan”
Is actually a contraction
Of the phrase “muller it again”
BE MY VALENTINES # 5
On Valentine’s Day
One pickle said to the other
“Your love means a great dill”
Even skunks celebrate Valentine's Day
Because they're very scent-imental!
COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN NATIVE AMERICAN?
Could Jesus have been Native American?
Possibly, he was at peace with nature
He ate fish, and had an affinity with birds
And He talked of the Great Spirit in his future
THE WHOLE FAMILY WERE WATCHING POINTLESS
The whole family were watching Pointless
Playing along and doing quite well, more or less
The first round was about words ending in TOR
But the answer was a carnivore or an omnivore
It had to end TOR, but the answer ate things
The first two answers were Alligator or Predator
My daughter shouted out “Vibrator” triumphantly
Good word but they don’t eat things I’m afraid sweetie
“Yes, they do dad” she argued “Mum told me so”
“She said, hers eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow”
A MAN DIALLED 999
A man dialled 999 and said
“I’m pretty sure my wife is dead”
The operator asked him calmly
“Why aren’t you certain she’s dead?”
“Well the ironing hasn’t been done,
But she’s still the same in bed”
SAILORS FIGHTING IN A DANCE HALL
Two sailors where fighting
Over a prostitute on the dance floor
They both had one arm each
In a bizarre game of Tug-of-whore
GYNAECOLOGICAL SCARE
My older sister managed
To scare her gynecologist
But that’s one of the perks
Of being a ventriloquist
The technology available is fantastic
But is it more trouble than it’s worth
And will our worst fears be realised
And shall the geek inherit the earth
CHINESE GOOSEBERRIES
Chinese Gooseberries aren’t Chinese
Imagine my shock at being misled
They do not originate from China at all
But come from New Zealand instead
MARITAL HONESTY
“It's just too hot to wear clothes today so I
Think I’ll cut the lawn naked, honey?”
She replied “Ok, if you don’t mind the neighbours
Thinking I married you for your money”
A MULLIGAN
The Golfing term “mulligan”
Is actually a contraction
Of the phrase “muller it again”
BE MY VALENTINES # 5
On Valentine’s Day
One pickle said to the other
“Your love means a great dill”
Even skunks celebrate Valentine's Day
Because they're very scent-imental!
COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN NATIVE AMERICAN?
Could Jesus have been Native American?
Possibly, he was at peace with nature
He ate fish, and had an affinity with birds
And He talked of the Great Spirit in his future
THE WHOLE FAMILY WERE WATCHING POINTLESS
The whole family were watching Pointless
Playing along and doing quite well, more or less
The first round was about words ending in TOR
But the answer was a carnivore or an omnivore
It had to end TOR, but the answer ate things
The first two answers were Alligator or Predator
My daughter shouted out “Vibrator” triumphantly
Good word but they don’t eat things I’m afraid sweetie
“Yes, they do dad” she argued “Mum told me so”
“She said, hers eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow”
A MAN DIALLED 999
A man dialled 999 and said
“I’m pretty sure my wife is dead”
The operator asked him calmly
“Why aren’t you certain she’s dead?”
“Well the ironing hasn’t been done,
But she’s still the same in bed”
SAILORS FIGHTING IN A DANCE HALL
Two sailors where fighting
Over a prostitute on the dance floor
They both had one arm each
In a bizarre game of Tug-of-whore
GYNAECOLOGICAL SCARE
My older sister managed
To scare her gynecologist
But that’s one of the perks
Of being a ventriloquist