Biggus
06-08-2018, 03:56 AM
IF I HAD A POUND FOR EACH AND EVERY GIRL
If I had a pound for each and every girl
That said that they found me unattractive,
It would increase my worth eventually
And then they would find me attractive
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ALCOHOL
I always thought that alcohol
Made me funnier, smarter, oh
And a much better dancer
But then I saw myself on video
IF I’M SMILING, I'M THINKING
If I’m smiling, I'm thinking
Of doing something naughty
If you see me laughing, its
Because I've done it already
PROBLEMS ARE ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE
Problems are all about perspective
One of those “cup half full” affairs
So Escalators don't break down
They just magically turn into stairs.
SOME OF US LEARN FROM
Some of us learn from
The mistakes of others
The rest of us are destined
To be the others
I HATE PEOPLE WHO USE BIG WORDS
I hate people who use big words
I think it’s pretentious
And they only do it to make
Themselves look perspicacious
MANY MODERN HOMES NOW
Many modern homes now
Have a panic room in it
But to my two daughters
And my dear wife Brigit
Any room is a panic room
When they’ve lost a phone in it
ONE OF LIFE’S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
One of life’s universal truths
Is not really much of a surprise
But behind every great man
There’s a woman rolling her eyes
THE WAITRESS ASKED “DO YOU HAVE
The waitress asked “Do you have
Any questions about the menu?”
My brother in law replied
“Is this font courier new?”
THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY
The Thanksgiving Turkey
Risked being stricken
When he crossed the road
To prove he wasn't chicken!
If I had a pound for each and every girl
That said that they found me unattractive,
It would increase my worth eventually
And then they would find me attractive
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ALCOHOL
I always thought that alcohol
Made me funnier, smarter, oh
And a much better dancer
But then I saw myself on video
IF I’M SMILING, I'M THINKING
If I’m smiling, I'm thinking
Of doing something naughty
If you see me laughing, its
Because I've done it already
PROBLEMS ARE ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE
Problems are all about perspective
One of those “cup half full” affairs
So Escalators don't break down
They just magically turn into stairs.
SOME OF US LEARN FROM
Some of us learn from
The mistakes of others
The rest of us are destined
To be the others
I HATE PEOPLE WHO USE BIG WORDS
I hate people who use big words
I think it’s pretentious
And they only do it to make
Themselves look perspicacious
MANY MODERN HOMES NOW
Many modern homes now
Have a panic room in it
But to my two daughters
And my dear wife Brigit
Any room is a panic room
When they’ve lost a phone in it
ONE OF LIFE’S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
One of life’s universal truths
Is not really much of a surprise
But behind every great man
There’s a woman rolling her eyes
THE WAITRESS ASKED “DO YOU HAVE
The waitress asked “Do you have
Any questions about the menu?”
My brother in law replied
“Is this font courier new?”
THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY
The Thanksgiving Turkey
Risked being stricken
When he crossed the road
To prove he wasn't chicken!