A couple on a Sunday Drive

[tonywalt]

There are no disagreements as we drive along,

encased safely in the car, a road

split by the center line.

Practiced vowels, consonants and syllables

roll predictably with the hum of tires. Each topic

measured as the roadside poles,

the conversation’s selected tone

mirrors the

ca-thump ca-thump ca-thump

of the the paved highway joints.



We stare at the windshield and

think of things that must be said – instead,

the words shift, twist, and turn

in our mouths

like worms, then sit angrily,

before we

brood them out of separate windows in

silence and



continue down the road

somewhere,

the receding light of the sun

searching through glass then

fading

in the rear window,

frame by frame

until the light is

gone.

[Delta40]

Wow. Tony. I'm wondering who, when and how the radio switched on. What tune was playing and what happened next. Great visual.

[Danik 2016]

I loved the way yoy matched rhythm and content.

[desiresjab]

Why are double posts so embarrassing?

[desiresjab]

Oh this one has a bunch going for it. It can be taken as a lesson in how to say more than you are saying without getting in the way of yourself. It even verbs a new usage. Huh?

Everything worked and nothing overworked. I just wonder about the title though. Does it say too much? I think it feels too careful with its two articles and all, and too explanatory. A more vague change might make me agonize with wondering, though I would probably get it worked out fine because of the tone of the words themselves. It is a super poem. Image and drama and language have joined forces magically. It deserves the best. Is there a super title in there too, perhaps hiding in plain sight? No attentive reader is going to feel for an instant that there are three people in this car by reason of the word couple being absent from the title.

[Pompey Bum]

Great work, Tony. I'm always going to think there should be more meter, but that's just me. The imagery is awesome.

[tonywalt]

I loved the way yoy matched rhythm and content.

Thanks!

[tonywalt]

Oh this one has a bunch going for it. It can be taken as a lesson in how to say more than you are saying without getting in the way of yourself. It even verbs a new usage. Huh?

Everything worked and nothing overworked. I just wonder about the title though. Does it say too much? I think it feels too careful with its two articles and all, and too explanatory. A more vague change might make me agonize with wondering, though I would probably get it worked out fine because of the tone of the words themselves. It is a super poem. Image and drama and language have joined forces magically. It deserves the best. Is there a super title in there too, perhaps hiding in plain sight? No attentive reader is going to feel for an instant that there are three people in this car by reason of the word couple being absent from the title.

Yea, sometimes my titles are opaque. Sometimes not. I try not to make the reader try to figures out knots. I lean heavily to Bukowski, and not a fan of formalism - that comes out alot.

[tonywalt]

Great work, Tony. I'm always going to think there should be more meter, but that's just me. The imagery is awesome.

Thanks! yea, meter. This poem is about as close to formalism as i would get now. But i can go a number of ways in writing poetry Good to hear from ya!

[kiz_paws]

I truly enjoyed this poem.
Who has NOT been in this situation at one time or 'nother?
Great job. :)

[tonywalt]

I truly enjoyed this poem.
Who has NOT been in this situation at one time or 'nother?
Great job. :)

Very true. It's human. (still better than being alone, though-. me thinks).

[Jerrybaldy]

Good job Tony. For a man in a baseball hat you write well :)

[tonywalt]

Good job Tony. For a man in a baseball hat you write well :)


Thanks!

[Shadowlight]

Wow, I absolutely love every line in this! So much meaning in each phrase. You can re-read over and over again and still gather more. I have felt this way, as separated from someone as the lines dividing a road and even when traveling the same direction still going in opposite directions. Attempts at measured,calculated, habitual, metered speech ending in dissatisfaction. I couldn't LOVE this more!