Biggus
12-12-2017, 04:42 AM
ICE THAT WILL BEAR THE WEIGHT OF SANTA
Ice that will, before Christmas,
Bear the weight of Santa
Will not, according to folklore,
Bear the weight of an Elf after
I AM THE UNBEATEN MASTER AT TRIVIAL PURSUIT
I am the unbeaten master at Trivial Pursuit
At the annual Christmas family sessions
But then I do have an advantage, because
We play with my original set of questions
IF FROM ALL THE BEST CHRISTMAS SHOWS
If from all the best Christmas shows
I had to pick only five
For me it would be any Christmas show
By Morecambe and Wise
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS SPATS?
Are you wearing Christmas spats?
Well I don’t like them much
But I have to admit that the motif
Of holly is a very nice touch
CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”
That’s Christmas day with Stephen
But I only have myself to blame
For marrying a sodding vegan
RISQUÉ OR RUDE
If you do something at Christmas
That’s either risqué or rude
Then don’t be at all surprised
If it ends up on Yule Tube
INSULTED SANTA
The local shopping Mall Santa
Turned out to be a very grumpy chap
When a little girl put a bin bag down
Just before she sat on his lap
MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 3
My worst Christmas present ever
Without a doubt, I have concluded
Was when I received a box of batteries
Labelled “toys not included”
THREE MEN DIED ON CHRISTMAS EVE
Three men died on Christmas Eve
And were stood before St Peter
“You must all pass a simple test
Before you are allowed to enter”
“So produce a symbol of the season
Either on or about your person”
The first man retrieved a bauble
From his overcoat pocket
And St Peter turned to the gate
And proceeded to unlock it
St Peter said “You are blessed
Because you have passed the test”
The next man took a red bow
From his overcoat pocket
And St Peter turned to the gate
And proceeded to unlock it
St Peter said “You are blessed
Because you have passed the test”
The last man took a pair of panties
From his overcoat pocket
St Peter stood fast before the gate
And made no effort to unlock it
St Peter said “You are not blessed
Because you have failed the test”
“In what way do a pair of knickers
Symbolized the Christmas season
I fail to see how they are appropriate
So enlighten me as to the reason”
So the man proceeded to explain
“A young woman’s intimate apparels
Are without a doubt appropriate
When they happen to be carols”
IT WAS ANOTHER SUV CHRISTMAS
It was another SUV Christmas
Thanks to my significant other
No not that kind of SUV, I got
Socks, Underwear and Viagra
Ice that will, before Christmas,
Bear the weight of Santa
Will not, according to folklore,
Bear the weight of an Elf after
I AM THE UNBEATEN MASTER AT TRIVIAL PURSUIT
I am the unbeaten master at Trivial Pursuit
At the annual Christmas family sessions
But then I do have an advantage, because
We play with my original set of questions
IF FROM ALL THE BEST CHRISTMAS SHOWS
If from all the best Christmas shows
I had to pick only five
For me it would be any Christmas show
By Morecambe and Wise
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS SPATS?
Are you wearing Christmas spats?
Well I don’t like them much
But I have to admit that the motif
Of holly is a very nice touch
CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”
That’s Christmas day with Stephen
But I only have myself to blame
For marrying a sodding vegan
RISQUÉ OR RUDE
If you do something at Christmas
That’s either risqué or rude
Then don’t be at all surprised
If it ends up on Yule Tube
INSULTED SANTA
The local shopping Mall Santa
Turned out to be a very grumpy chap
When a little girl put a bin bag down
Just before she sat on his lap
MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 3
My worst Christmas present ever
Without a doubt, I have concluded
Was when I received a box of batteries
Labelled “toys not included”
THREE MEN DIED ON CHRISTMAS EVE
Three men died on Christmas Eve
And were stood before St Peter
“You must all pass a simple test
Before you are allowed to enter”
“So produce a symbol of the season
Either on or about your person”
The first man retrieved a bauble
From his overcoat pocket
And St Peter turned to the gate
And proceeded to unlock it
St Peter said “You are blessed
Because you have passed the test”
The next man took a red bow
From his overcoat pocket
And St Peter turned to the gate
And proceeded to unlock it
St Peter said “You are blessed
Because you have passed the test”
The last man took a pair of panties
From his overcoat pocket
St Peter stood fast before the gate
And made no effort to unlock it
St Peter said “You are not blessed
Because you have failed the test”
“In what way do a pair of knickers
Symbolized the Christmas season
I fail to see how they are appropriate
So enlighten me as to the reason”
So the man proceeded to explain
“A young woman’s intimate apparels
Are without a doubt appropriate
When they happen to be carols”
IT WAS ANOTHER SUV CHRISTMAS
It was another SUV Christmas
Thanks to my significant other
No not that kind of SUV, I got
Socks, Underwear and Viagra