Biggus
06-21-2017, 03:56 AM
WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 2
When it appears that you have succeeded
And the monster is lying dead
Do not for any reason go and check
Get the hell out of there instead
THE CAT ESSAY
The teacher said “your essay on “My cat”
Is exactly the same as your brother Matt’s,
Did you copy his work for your story?”
“No, miss, but it's the same cat” said Corey
APRIL SHOWERS BRING
April showers bring
May flowers it seems
But then May flowers
Only bring Pilgrims
THE ORIGINS OF FAT TUESDAY
The origins of Fat Tuesday
Are Anglican and Catholic
But in our town Fat Tuesday
Is an overweight biker chic
A LONELY FARMER DECIDED TO SEE A MOVIE
A lonely farmer decided to see a movie
And take his favourite Cockerel too
But he knew animals weren’t allowed
So he hid him down his pants, out of view
He bought a ticket, and went inside
And sat down next to two old widows
The movie started unbuttoning his fly
So the Cockerel could watch the show
And one widow whispered to the other
“The guy next to me has his thing out”
Her friend replied “Don’t be squeamish
It’s not your first nor the last no doubt,
And I’m sure you’ve seen bigger
When you’re at home watching porn”
“Well I’ve seen bigger” she agreed
“But I’ve not seen one eating my popcorn”
MY FIRST EXPERIENCE OF DRINKING COFFEE
My first experience of drinking Coffee
Was when I was a kid at school
It came in a bottle and tasted foul
“Camp” it was called and wasn’t cool
THEY DO VERY ODD THINGS WITH SPUDS
They do very odd things with spuds
Nowadays some of which seem crazy
When I was young people who didn't
Peel potatoes were regarded as lazy
WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 2
When I was young we ate a healthy diet
With plenty of fruit and vegetables
But we never thought of eating Seaweed
In fact we didn’t even know it was edible
INTERLOCUTOR RESPONSE
“Is it true if you’re asked a question
You answer with another question?”
A young man asked his new bride
“Who told you that?” she replied
HE DIALED 999
He dialed 999 and said.
“Send an ambulance, my wife is in Labour”
“Is this her first baby?” the operator asked
“No, this is her husband, Trevor”
When it appears that you have succeeded
And the monster is lying dead
Do not for any reason go and check
Get the hell out of there instead
THE CAT ESSAY
The teacher said “your essay on “My cat”
Is exactly the same as your brother Matt’s,
Did you copy his work for your story?”
“No, miss, but it's the same cat” said Corey
APRIL SHOWERS BRING
April showers bring
May flowers it seems
But then May flowers
Only bring Pilgrims
THE ORIGINS OF FAT TUESDAY
The origins of Fat Tuesday
Are Anglican and Catholic
But in our town Fat Tuesday
Is an overweight biker chic
A LONELY FARMER DECIDED TO SEE A MOVIE
A lonely farmer decided to see a movie
And take his favourite Cockerel too
But he knew animals weren’t allowed
So he hid him down his pants, out of view
He bought a ticket, and went inside
And sat down next to two old widows
The movie started unbuttoning his fly
So the Cockerel could watch the show
And one widow whispered to the other
“The guy next to me has his thing out”
Her friend replied “Don’t be squeamish
It’s not your first nor the last no doubt,
And I’m sure you’ve seen bigger
When you’re at home watching porn”
“Well I’ve seen bigger” she agreed
“But I’ve not seen one eating my popcorn”
MY FIRST EXPERIENCE OF DRINKING COFFEE
My first experience of drinking Coffee
Was when I was a kid at school
It came in a bottle and tasted foul
“Camp” it was called and wasn’t cool
THEY DO VERY ODD THINGS WITH SPUDS
They do very odd things with spuds
Nowadays some of which seem crazy
When I was young people who didn't
Peel potatoes were regarded as lazy
WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 2
When I was young we ate a healthy diet
With plenty of fruit and vegetables
But we never thought of eating Seaweed
In fact we didn’t even know it was edible
INTERLOCUTOR RESPONSE
“Is it true if you’re asked a question
You answer with another question?”
A young man asked his new bride
“Who told you that?” she replied
HE DIALED 999
He dialed 999 and said.
“Send an ambulance, my wife is in Labour”
“Is this her first baby?” the operator asked
“No, this is her husband, Trevor”