Biggus
05-22-2017, 03:53 AM
MY DAUGHTER IS AWAY AT UNIVERSITY
My daughter is away at University
And has nothing in common with ET
Because ET phoned home occasionally
I AM DOUBLY HANDICAPPED
I am doubly handicapped
Which has scuppered my plans
I am illiterate and ambidextrous
So I can’t write with both hands
THE GIRL IN THE CRINOLINE GOWN
The girl in the crinoline gown
Danced like in a dream
While moving in unfashionable
Circles it would seem
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
Don’t talk to me about
Fifty shades of grey
I’m at the care home
Vagazaling grannies everyday
YOU’RE NEXT
If it annoys you when old people
Point at you during someone’s nuptials
And say “you’re next” just start doing
The same thing to them at funerals
WITH OR WITHOUT HER
It wasn’t that he couldn’t live with her
That caused him to doubt
It was just that he wanted someone
He couldn’t live without
THE CHINESE DON’T WANT VISITORS TO KNOW
The Chinese don’t want visitors to know
They are being spied on in Beijing
That why the Chinese government
Changed the city’s name from Peking
POPPERS
They said they had poppers at the party
But no evidence of them could be seen
There was no strands of confetti anywhere
And the carpets were spotlessly clean
RICHARD GURLEY DREW
Richard Gurley Drew invented sellotape
In order to help out a mechanic friend
I got his autobiography for Christmas but
I didn’t finish it as I couldn’t find the end
MY DAUGHTER WAS GIVEN A NOVELTY GIFT
My daughter was given a novelty gift
Which really wasn’t intended to confuse
But the look on her face was a picture
When she held a pair of chocolate shoes
My daughter is away at University
And has nothing in common with ET
Because ET phoned home occasionally
I AM DOUBLY HANDICAPPED
I am doubly handicapped
Which has scuppered my plans
I am illiterate and ambidextrous
So I can’t write with both hands
THE GIRL IN THE CRINOLINE GOWN
The girl in the crinoline gown
Danced like in a dream
While moving in unfashionable
Circles it would seem
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
Don’t talk to me about
Fifty shades of grey
I’m at the care home
Vagazaling grannies everyday
YOU’RE NEXT
If it annoys you when old people
Point at you during someone’s nuptials
And say “you’re next” just start doing
The same thing to them at funerals
WITH OR WITHOUT HER
It wasn’t that he couldn’t live with her
That caused him to doubt
It was just that he wanted someone
He couldn’t live without
THE CHINESE DON’T WANT VISITORS TO KNOW
The Chinese don’t want visitors to know
They are being spied on in Beijing
That why the Chinese government
Changed the city’s name from Peking
POPPERS
They said they had poppers at the party
But no evidence of them could be seen
There was no strands of confetti anywhere
And the carpets were spotlessly clean
RICHARD GURLEY DREW
Richard Gurley Drew invented sellotape
In order to help out a mechanic friend
I got his autobiography for Christmas but
I didn’t finish it as I couldn’t find the end
MY DAUGHTER WAS GIVEN A NOVELTY GIFT
My daughter was given a novelty gift
Which really wasn’t intended to confuse
But the look on her face was a picture
When she held a pair of chocolate shoes