A cold wind

[Felix Atwood]

A COLD WIND
Felix Michael Atwood

Her man sleeps
His woman weeps
A cold wind blows
In the open door

This is the same door
He staggered through
A mighty swinging fist
She knew her place

The day awakes in peace
As she knew it would
He promised nevermore
Again an idle promise

Her man now sleeps
His woman now weeps
His promise she keeps
Her man sleeps, forever.

[stephofthenight]

Wonderful piece by concept, If anything I would play with the structure of your stanzas and the regard to what person you are writing in. Using both his, and her give the imagery of a third person (at least to me) Should it perhaps read "A cold wind blows- Through the open door" rather than in? Perhaps "The same door, He staggered through, Mighty swinging fist...." Would read less redundant than "This is the same door, He staggered through, A mighty swinging fist." But overall I like your concept, good work :)

[Felix Atwood]

Good review. Thank you. Regards Felix