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tangentup
04-27-2017, 03:44 AM
I would love feedback.

-Passion

Sketch the perched bird on your balcony.
Help save a woman as she falls.
It gives you the ability to do remarkable things.
Touching your heart and intuition to create awe.
As it was, when you came to be.
And as it will be when you pass beyond.
Your reason for being here is the most important.
A reason being your passion.
A signpost at the beginning of your inception.
Guiding through the turmoil of choice.
Create? Help? Anticipate? Inquire?
Remember that you have a choice.
And the way you see it, makes it so.

Silas Thorne
04-27-2017, 04:48 AM
I like the first line a lot.

I recommend you use commas and enjambment, and read your lines aloud. In this, every line is a self-contained unit that ends in a full stop, so it seems rather detached emotionally, and the lines don't cohere together. What gives you the ability to do remarkable things?

tangentup
04-27-2017, 05:09 AM
Thanks for the feedback, I really needed some help when I did the editing. I made a few simple changes based on your recommendations and it does sound a lot better.