A little miserable girl

[mirage]

hi all,
it is the second time I share with you here, we all here to write, learn and to confess what we have inside of us,so that I am here with you .. waiting to read your comments dears ..


A little miserable girl

Agirl was walking there
I saw her feet, they were bare
She was shaking of fear
And her eyes were full of tears
Her face was so miserable &sad
When I watched her so bad
Could anyone make her smile?
Or even let her leave this style?
The style of sadness and tears
The world is so tough for her
Like a frightening nightmare
I wished her a wish to come true
And I hope everyone does too
As this little girl
Someday she can be a pearl
If only we look after her
And put her under our care
Because where she is
Is the place where life begins

yours,
mirage

[Della~Moon]

very lovely dear, so very sad like me and my poetry, keep writing! ;)

[Honest-Boy]

Maybe the girl is in Iraq ;)

[Shea]

I like this one. It's a "hopeful" poem because of the way you describe despair and then turn it around to hope by the end. If you meant to be prosy, leave it alone. But my poetry teacher was always having me chop out bits of my poems because they were too prosy. It was so agonizing!

But as I was reading it through, the poem can actually end after the line "like a frightening nightmare". But if you were to tack on the last two lines that would tie up the loose strings. That would completely change the tone, but the reader would still feel compelled to help the little girl without reading the deleted lines. But this is only what I got from it, I could be way off. ;)

[Koa]

Honestly, i don't like it much...too much philantropic style... I see it like the matter is an inner one, not only of real poverty...but still i find there are too many details about a 'poor' person, like the descriptions of beggars you might find in newspapers and such... it reminded me a bit of that story where the little poor girl sells matches, or to the ending of that novel called, i think 'The little princess' (not sure- at least this was how the italian translation was called).
I also don't find the expression too original...(the pearl, for example...)

Anyway, this is just my opinion so i hope you take it as it is, it can be just a question of personal liking (as i see, other people appreciated it) and as we know tastes are different.

:)

[mirage]

hi all,
I apreciate your replies so much .. I hope that you have got the idea in my mind .. I am here only to express what I have inside of me not for anything else .. and I hope that you could read what was between the lines .. it was really miserable ...
thank you all again ..
with you I can do what you are looking for ...

yours,
mirage

[den]

To read between the lines, it's inside of you, bring it out more mirage. That's where originality is. Your character coming out from you alone. A very sad poem, but do you `own' it? Is it honestly a reflection of you and your inherent self?

[Nora]

SO NICE, SO LOVELY
I like very much and for the first moment i read this poem i thought that this girl is like me especially those days because of my final exams :( , but once i read Honest-Boy's replay i got i second thoght. I believe he is totally right.
Good job mirage. It touched my heart