Wodehouse Journalist

[evatoth]

Hello All, I need some help about the variety of English and the rewriting into Standard English about the following:
Please help.:-))) Thanks.
--Master Maloney eyed the cat, as if he were seeing it for the first
time.
”It’s a kitty what I got in de street,” he said.
”Don’t hurt the poor brute. Put her down.”
Master Maloney obediently dropped the cat, which sprang nimbly on
to an upper shelf of the book-case.
”I wasn’t hoitin’ her,” he said, without emotion. ”Dere was two
fellers in de street sickin’ a dawg on to her. An’ I comes up an’
says,’ G’wan! What do youse t’ink you’re doin’, fussin’ de poor
dumb animal?’ An’ one of de guys, he says, ’G’wan! Who do youse
t’ink youse is?’ An’ I says, ’I’m de guy what’s goin’ to swat youse
one on de coco if youse don’t quit fussin’ de poor dumb animal.’ So
wit dat he makes a break at swattin’ me one, but I swats him one,
an’ I swats de odder feller one, an’ den I swats dem bote some
more, an’ I gets de kitty, an’ I brings her in here, cos I t’inks
maybe youse’ll look after her.”

[mona amon]

I do not know what sort of English it is, but I can understand it -

"It's a kitty that I got in the street"
"I wasn't hurting her," "There were two fellows in the street siccing a dog on to her."
"And I came up and said, Go on, what do you think you're doing, fussing the poor dumb animal? And one of the guys, he says, "Go on, who do you think you are?" And I said, "I'm the guy who's going to swat you one on the coconut if you don't quit fussing the poor dumb animal." So with that he made a break at swatting me one, but I swat him one, and I swat the other fellow one, and then I swat them both some more, and I got the kitty, and I brought her in here, because I thought maybe you'll look after her."

[Tiffleton]

Hi. It looks like it's supposed to replicate an Irish accent. The give away is "t'ink" for "think", "youse" for "you lot" or " you two" and "G'wan" for "go on". Alternatively, it could be Scouse, the accent and dialect of Liverpool in England, which is heavily influenced by Irish.