Biggus
09-30-2016, 10:34 AM
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 379
Little Bo Peep
Has lost her sheep
But in truth
She does care a peep
She prefers ram’s
Does Little Hoe Peep
DISNEY HAVE GOT INTO PORN # 1
Disney have got into porn
And the first film to be made
Is a remake of a classic
Renamed “The Little Sperm Maid”
ON MY BED AT HOME # 2
On my bed at home I have
A deluxe memory foam mattress
But it remembers I’m overweight
Which causes me great distress
MY SON JOKES ABOUT MY AGE # 3
My son jokes about my age
His humour is frankly, not
He says my first license
Was for driving a chariot
WHEN I CHECKED LABELS AT THE SUPERMARKET
When I checked labels at the supermarket
I had to point out the irony to my wife Helen
As to why lemon juice had artificial flavouring
And washing up liquid is made with real lemons
I AM NOT A GERMAPHOBE
I am not a Germaphobe, but cleanliness
Is something to which I have no objections
But it seems pointless, to sterilise needles
That are to be used for lethal injections
A PENNY’S WORTH
Apparently “to put your two pennies worth in”
Means that you took your chance to speak
But you only get a “penny for your thoughts”
Which I have always thought a bit of a cheek
I don’t understand the disparity in the values
Why is it cheaper to think than it is to speak?
PUT DOWN # 61
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
So if you tire of unwanted attention
Just tell him you’re incompatible
and if he questions your remark
Say it’s because you’re not inflatable
WHY DID THE LION CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the Lion cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was to get to the other pride
PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME # 1
Procrastination is the thief of time,
There’s no truer saying without a doubt
And as a result of my dithering
I still don’t know “who let the dogs out”
Little Bo Peep
Has lost her sheep
But in truth
She does care a peep
She prefers ram’s
Does Little Hoe Peep
DISNEY HAVE GOT INTO PORN # 1
Disney have got into porn
And the first film to be made
Is a remake of a classic
Renamed “The Little Sperm Maid”
ON MY BED AT HOME # 2
On my bed at home I have
A deluxe memory foam mattress
But it remembers I’m overweight
Which causes me great distress
MY SON JOKES ABOUT MY AGE # 3
My son jokes about my age
His humour is frankly, not
He says my first license
Was for driving a chariot
WHEN I CHECKED LABELS AT THE SUPERMARKET
When I checked labels at the supermarket
I had to point out the irony to my wife Helen
As to why lemon juice had artificial flavouring
And washing up liquid is made with real lemons
I AM NOT A GERMAPHOBE
I am not a Germaphobe, but cleanliness
Is something to which I have no objections
But it seems pointless, to sterilise needles
That are to be used for lethal injections
A PENNY’S WORTH
Apparently “to put your two pennies worth in”
Means that you took your chance to speak
But you only get a “penny for your thoughts”
Which I have always thought a bit of a cheek
I don’t understand the disparity in the values
Why is it cheaper to think than it is to speak?
PUT DOWN # 61
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
So if you tire of unwanted attention
Just tell him you’re incompatible
and if he questions your remark
Say it’s because you’re not inflatable
WHY DID THE LION CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the Lion cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was to get to the other pride
PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME # 1
Procrastination is the thief of time,
There’s no truer saying without a doubt
And as a result of my dithering
I still don’t know “who let the dogs out”