youdontknowme
09-07-2016, 09:40 PM
I never thought I’d be here talking about this, the voices inside my head want out but I know my heart can’t take the pain. She had to know, she had to know how I was feeling but was it the right thing to do? I just didn’t know anymore.
“Is there some truth behind it?” she said looking at me, she was firm and didn’t back down from the situation in front of us. It frightened the living hell out of me. As much as I wanted to be honest with her, I knew that it could create a bigger issue. I paused and shook my head in disdain “No, there isn’t any truth behind it. I value our friendship way too much”
Tears now traced the side of my face, it was hard to say but I couldn’t take the pressure building up inside my chest. Hiding issues is what I’m used to. Coming from a family who will judge an individual by how they dress or their sexual preferences has molded me into a woman who can’t seem to find her worth. A woman who is afraid of who she might be, or might become; A woman who is afraid of losing a friend who has been vital to her happiness in the last 5 months; A woman who doesn’t know how to feel because of a misconstrued perception of reality.
“There are so many things going on right now, that I just don’t know exactly what to do.” I bring my head up and look at her “our friendship is way more important than what I may be feeling, I can separate the two” I paused and then looked down at my fingers which were now intertwining with each other. I knew she could see right through me, she could see through my soul, my mind “I’ll support you because that’s what friends are for, but I want you to get some help…I feel like there’s a more underlying problem than just what’s going on here” she said “I’m happy to help but I’m involved in this somehow, so as a friend I can’t help you get past this part”
Some of the hardest things you have to hear, some of the worst things you have to hear. It seems as though life has a way of throwing those curveballs at a faster speed than you’d expect. I’ve got to find my self worth, what I am intended for on this earth and figure out why I am in the position I am in at this moment. Have I been hiding my true self? Only time will tell.
“Is there some truth behind it?” she said looking at me, she was firm and didn’t back down from the situation in front of us. It frightened the living hell out of me. As much as I wanted to be honest with her, I knew that it could create a bigger issue. I paused and shook my head in disdain “No, there isn’t any truth behind it. I value our friendship way too much”
Tears now traced the side of my face, it was hard to say but I couldn’t take the pressure building up inside my chest. Hiding issues is what I’m used to. Coming from a family who will judge an individual by how they dress or their sexual preferences has molded me into a woman who can’t seem to find her worth. A woman who is afraid of who she might be, or might become; A woman who is afraid of losing a friend who has been vital to her happiness in the last 5 months; A woman who doesn’t know how to feel because of a misconstrued perception of reality.
“There are so many things going on right now, that I just don’t know exactly what to do.” I bring my head up and look at her “our friendship is way more important than what I may be feeling, I can separate the two” I paused and then looked down at my fingers which were now intertwining with each other. I knew she could see right through me, she could see through my soul, my mind “I’ll support you because that’s what friends are for, but I want you to get some help…I feel like there’s a more underlying problem than just what’s going on here” she said “I’m happy to help but I’m involved in this somehow, so as a friend I can’t help you get past this part”
Some of the hardest things you have to hear, some of the worst things you have to hear. It seems as though life has a way of throwing those curveballs at a faster speed than you’d expect. I’ve got to find my self worth, what I am intended for on this earth and figure out why I am in the position I am in at this moment. Have I been hiding my true self? Only time will tell.