A Little Bit Of Humour # 179

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I LEARNED COUNTING USING DRIED SEMOLINA

I learned counting using dried semolina
Everything else was superfluous
It’s the way we used to do it in Morocco
It was what we call our Abacouscous

I HAVE A MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS # 1

I have a memory foam mattress
And I awake fresh at **** crow
I just wish it would remember me
As I was at least twenty years ago

I’M PAST MY SELL BY DATE

According to my wife
I’m past my sell by date
But for my children,
I’ve not passed my use by date

MR ONION TOLD A JOKE IN CLASS

Mr Onion told a joke in class
He’s a bore so I don’t know why
But he told it anyway and we
Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry

BURNING ALL HER BILLS

My next-door neighbour
At number ninety two
Has been burning all her bills
But, that’s Bernadette for you

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 378

Jack be Nimble,
Jack be quick,
But please don’t play
With your candle stick

YESTERDAY I WENT TO SEE THE DOCTOR

Yesterday I went to see the doctor
Because I was feeling like hell
And he said, “You've got hypochondria”
“Oh no” I said “Not that as well”

WE WERE EATING AT AN INDIAN RESTAURANT

We were eating at an Indian restaurant
When we received news of the trauma
We all found it very distressing
My naan had slipped into a Korma

MY NEIGHBOUR STOLE MY SHOES

My neighbour stole my shoes
He’s the nicest man you could meet
I was going to confront him?
But at the last minute I got cold feet

THE LITTLE ENGINE

The Little Engine that could
Lost his cherry in a shed
So now they call him
The Little Engine that did.

[YesNo]

A lot of nice ones here. My favorite is the one about Jack. No, make that the one about being useful past my sell by date. No, it's the one about Bernadette I liked the best.

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Thanks YN, much appreciated