The life art

[Mohammad Ahmad]

The life art
As two eyes above hanged in one's way
Keeping aside not to glimmering one day
I so far keep my emotion of those blonds
To see my heart captured fetching stay
I can't reckon on eyes being smart
While in deep piercing a smoothable part
This way is often trodden by softy legs
And it is since ancient years the life art
Can't you promise giving me a new soul?
Then I into pleasure hear my solo fall
Come and drink up until you satisfy
I am not your beverage as a given dole
Tread upon my grave near that wooded lake
And give your cattle the way a time you awake
That huts you passed are my letters of proof
And any Holy word it may on opposite shake.

[desiresjab]

The life art
As two eyes above hanged in one's way
Keeping aside not to glimmering one day
I so far keep my emotion of those blonds
To see my heart captured fetching stay
I can't reckon on eyes being smart
While in deep piercing a smoothable part
This way is often trodden by softy legs
And it is since ancient years the life art
Can't you promise giving me a new soul?
Then I into pleasure hear my solo fall
Come and drink up until you satisfy
I am not your beverage as a given dole
Tread upon my grave near that wooded lake
And give your cattle the way a time you awake
That huts you passed are my letters of proof
And any Holy word it may on opposite shake.

One actually can sense poetry in there trying to get out. But unfortunately this poem is absolutely unintelligible as it stands. Reading a page of Finnegan's wake is easier.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Welcome and let's begin

This is your statistics table:

your total posts = 736 posts
Your started threads = 24 only ( no poem contains ) most of it gone on general literature\ philosophy \ religion and so on
all the rest posts ( 712) are replies
The only poem which you said that's by you ( You Kind Old Man ) it is not you as I searched many of these having another issue or songs at YouTube
This one of them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcdSWfWSqGE
BY FABINSKI1
------
And this is another one ( anonymous owner)
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there's so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two
------------
If the above information is wrong, please show me your poetry perhaps I find useful!

General notice:
Something you may know that most of poetry are ambiguous and if one writes on a simple style it maybe considered by the most readers ( unworthy).
I read to many poets here or in another place likely most of them adopt the strong style, the words of confusion, the words unintelligible as you suggested and go punning ultimately
---
By the occasion this is some stanzas of ( you kind Old man) and it does admire me although some verses being not understood and ambiguous, which, you said it is you?
( I am not sure!)

He keeps that sparkle in his orbs;
Only gives and never robs.
When snow conceals the frozen clods
And people sneeze from colds,
He tackles up his best of teams
In stamp and stable steam.
'Round earth his windy route will wreathe —
All extremes of weather—
Crossing seas and starry deserts
While children eat dessert.
Elves are stuffing handmade presents —
Tanks and dolls and serpents—
Into Santa's sack without end,
Carved in their workshop den;

[Pompey Bum]

The life art
As two eyes above hanged in one's way
Keeping aside not to glimmering one day
I so far keep my emotion of those blonds
To see my heart captured fetching stay
I can't reckon on eyes being smart
While in deep piercing a smoothable part
This way is often trodden by softy legs
And it is since ancient years the life art
Can't you promise giving me a new soul?
Then I into pleasure hear my solo fall
Come and drink up until you satisfy
I am not your beverage as a given dole
Tread upon my grave near that wooded lake
And give your cattle the way a time you awake
That huts you passed are my letters of proof
And any Holy word it may on opposite shake.

I really enjoyed this poem, Mohammad. It had a haunting quality that stayed with me all day. Thank you.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

I really enjoyed this poem, Mohammad. It had a haunting quality that stayed with me all day. Thank you.
I who thank you Pompey Bun

I don't refuse any criticism or being only accept on hand clapping but to one like me who is not English native speaker, the encouragement will help him to write better.
Indeed, I have seen some criticisms not go well or not adopt the familiar framework of criticising others works but most of time it comes superficially without true guidance.
I did some criticism here disclosing my idea for example, to grammar but I saw that most people now don't stick too much on grammar and somehow they neglect it because grammar sometimes works as a stumbling block on the way of the poet or the poem.
The main of my criticism to the contemporary poetry "as l see" it does not too much explain the theme of the poet and his words being lack to be chained to one another and too much being likely separated words as a forgotten bead of one's rosary, which the most poets of now adopting the last method.
Indeed I looked to this method as something unusual or is not accepted by me, but when I saw the majority of poets adopt this way I turned satisfied and seeing that poetry was gone on this way.

[desiresjab]

I really enjoyed this poem, Mohammad. It had a haunting quality that stayed with me all day. Thank you.

It is still haunting me, too!

[desiresjab]

Mohammad, please do not be deviled because I told you the truth and gave you good advice. Did you think you were great at English?

You are learning the language, but have a long way to go still. You are not writing poetry in English yet. I would not discuss my poetry with someone who barely understands the language, sir. From the heart, you need to read, read, read. Like I advised earlier, read well constructed prose, not poetry. Poets are not always perfectly clear. They take advantage of a thing called poetic license, which allows them to stretch the rules a little. An American author who writes plain but fine and lucid prose might be John Steinbeck. Try a work of John Steinbeck, perhaps. If you get hooked, so much the better--you will learn a lot of English from Steinbeck and similar authors.

[Pompey Bum]

I who thank you Pompey Bun

I don't refuse any criticism or being only accept on hand clapping but to one like me who is not English native speaker, the encouragement will help him to write better.
Indeed, I have seen some criticisms not go well or not adopt the familiar framework of criticising others works but most of time it comes superficially without true guidance.
I did some criticism here disclosing my idea for example, to grammar but I saw that most people now don't stick too much on grammar and somehow they neglect it because grammar sometimes works as a stumbling block on the way of the poet or the poem.
The main of my criticism to the contemporary poetry "as l see" it does not too much explain the theme of the poet and his words being lack to be chained to one another and too much being likely separated words as a forgotten bead of one's rosary, which the most poets of now adopting the last method.
Indeed I looked to this method as something unusual or is not accepted by me, but when I saw the majority of poets adopt this way I turned satisfied and seeing that poetry was gone on this way.

You are very welcome. One of the things I love about your poetry is its authenticity of voice. It is not the work of a non-native English speaker trying to ape another idiom to gain someone else's approval but the song of an English-speaking Iraqi who is confident enough to sing in his own voice. That is one of the things that makes your poetry so memorable and effective. You are one of my favorite poets on the site.

[desiresjab: I'm not sure if either of your posts was directed at me, but please be advised that I am unable to read anything you write because I have you on ignore status. Cheers!]

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Mohammad, please do not be deviled because I told you the truth and gave you good advice. Did you think you were great at English?

You are learning the language, but have a long way to go still. You are not writing poetry in English yet. I would not discuss my poetry with someone who barely inderstands the language, sir. From the heart, you need to read, read, read. Like I advised earlier, read well constructed prose, not poetry. Poets are not always perfectly clear. They take advantage of a thing called poetic license, which allows them to stretch the rules a little. An American author who writes plain but fine and lucid prose might be John Steinbeck. Try a work of John Steinbeck, perhaps. If you get hooked, so much the better--you will learn a lot of English from Steinbeck and similar authors.

Yes on this way, you can help me and I will follow you.
You mentioned the, poetic license, here in this forum someone briefly discussed it thus I need to log more into internet to find more results, meanwhile, I understood the poetic license instructions as something of personality and everyone could do his license alone to be fitting to his own.
Once upon a time one poet came visiting an Arab caliph, the caliph ordered the poet to say in front him some poetry, the poet as soon said what is suitable to the environment on which he presently dwelled at the occasion. But when in the second time of visiting the caliph and after changing his place in which he dwelled, the poet turned on another tone so much variant of the first tone.
From this story, we can recognize that the echo factor playing a role on such poet's lifestyle.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

You are very welcome. One of the things I love about your poetry is its authenticity of voice. It is not the work of a non-native English speaker trying to ape another idiom to gain someone else's approval but the song of an English-speaking Iraqi who is confident enough to sing in his own voice. That is one of the things that makes your poetry so memorable and effective. You are one of my favorite poets on the site.

[desiresjab: I'm not sure if either of your posts was directed at me, but please be advised that I am unable to read anything you write because I have you on ignore status. Cheers!]

Yes, of course that's so, it can be a song on our English I understand, many times I got it likely songs on one's tongue and if I know or have acquainted with Englishmen or women artists it is maybe I following them or trying writing for them to see how my poetry gone on tongues of American artists. Believe me I could write.
The goal is not so much hard to be achieved but one's insistence associated with his good observation can do the impossible.

[Pompey Bum]

Believe me I could write.

I believe you. :)

[desiresjab]

This is insane.

[desiresjab]

[desiresjab: I'm not sure if either of your posts was directed at me, but please be advised that I am unable to read anything you write because I have you on ignore status. Cheers!]

That won't last for long. Are you sure you are not peeking?

[desiresjab]

Mohammad, I made a mistake. No one's taste is perfect. I miss things. After re-reading your poetry I see why it is good. Any faults in your English are minor, and may be complimented away. You do not really need any help, and there is nothing I can do for you. Keep up the good work.