Retorts.

[MANICHAEAN]

Upon a lie seven times removed:--bear your body more
seeming, Audrey:--as thus, sir. I did dislike the
cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word,
if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the
mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous.
If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he
would send me word, he cut it to please himself:
this is called the Quip Modest. If again 'it was
not well cut,' he disabled my judgment: this is
called the Reply Churlish. If again 'it was not
well cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this
is called the Reproof Valiant. If again 'it was not
well cut,' he would say I lied: this is called the
Counter-cheque Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie
Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.

Fellow Lit Netters, what are your favorite retorts?

[Pompey Bum]

Reply Less Vivid: It isn't clear.

Use this when someone asks you a question you don't want to answer.

[YesNo]

I like to literally agree in such a way that it is clear I don't agree (unless I actually do agree with them).

[Pompey Bum]

I like to literally agree in such a way that it is clear I don't agree (unless I actually do agree with them).

That is known as rhetorical rope-a-dope.

[Calidore]

Alexandre Dumas's response to a man who insulted him about his African ancestry: "My father was a mulatto, my grandfather was a Negro, and my great-grandfather a monkey. You see, Sir, my family starts where yours ends."

[Pompey Bum]

These are all pretty good. (And if the attributions aren't all accurate, who cares?) My favorite is:

Reporter: Mr Gandhi, what do you think of western civilization?

Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.

http://thechive.com/2014/10/28/wonderfully-witty-retorts-throughout-history-32-photos/

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Nice one, Pompey B, although there, as always, I'm inspired to kick Gandhi in the balls. Here's one between a member of parliament and Winston Churchill:

MP: "Must you fall asleep during my remarks?"

Churchill: "No, it's purely voluntary."

[MANICHAEAN]

Just because you have one, does not mean you have to act like one.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

At the moment, all that comes to mind is "kiss my grits" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftbm8EZZDqI

I imagine Will Rogers had some zingers.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Rogers

[Tyrion Cheddar]

I like to literally agree in such a way that it is clear I don't agree (unless I actually do agree with them).

You mean like smiling, nodding and saying "Yes, I can totally understand how someone would think that."