A Villanelle

[Hawkman]

A villanelle is really hard to write,
maintaining form and rhyme is quite a chore,
though when they’re firmly nailed, it just feels right.

But try too hard—well then it won’t take flight,
and all that wasted effort is a bore.
A villanelle is really hard to write,

whilst clever poets churn them out all night,
those that can’t should stick to laying floors,
though when they’re firmly nailed, it just feels right.

But loose boards tend to wobble and give fright,
alarm at losing balance to the fore,
a villanelle is really hard to write.

And when it’s all mucked up, your poem’s sh1te,
with reputation gone, you’ll wind up poor,
though when they’re firmly nailed, it just feels right.

With countenance aglow and burning bright,
far more so than it ever did before,
a villanelle is really hard to write,
though when they’re firmly nailed, it just feels right.

[YesNo]

I tend to hate villanelles, but yours was entertaining.

The fourth stanza with the "fore" in the middle was confusing. I suppose someone might fall forward. I would be more worried about falling through the floor since I would have likely reused rotten wood and pounded-straight, rusty nails over a span that didn't meet common-sense code. (I've seen that actually happen.)

As far as poverty goes in the fifth stanza, sometimes even the best carpenter is poor.

[Hawkman]

Thanks for reading, Y/N. Had to give it a little tweak to sort out some rather clumsy oversights on syllable count and a suspect slant rhyme, but my head isn't all that it used to be. Anyway, sorted now. This little offering intended as a bit of fun, so I'm glad it amused you. The fore to which I referred didn't really apertain to the direction of falling, rather it was intended to convey a concern which affected the ability to write a villanelle, if the "balance" was lost.

Thanks again for your attention and comment.

Live and be well - H

[tailor STATELY]

lol... I might have tried to work in blight instead of sh1te.

My one, and only, villanelle-type attempt was tortuous for me to craft: so a bit of fun to read your observations.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[desiresjab]

I am a fan of poetry about writing poetry. It is one of the great subjects that poets have.

As correctly pointed out, villanelles are really heard to write. I have tried a few. How to keep those repeated lines from becoming major annoyances? At what point does any villanelle begin to feel artificial or strained, is the question for any of them? Almost any line repeated so frequently irks me. However, I can imagine lines of winsome power whose emotion might build with each repetition, for I believe we have a higher tolerance for what affects us emotionally than for the repetition of the wry. I mean to say that villanelles of great power are probably still possible on occasion.

On the first reading I felt you had quibbled needlessly by adding the s to floors. If if it were me, I would probably vacillate back and forth a few times, but I do not think you need it.

I feel the strongest part of the poem is the two chorus lines, especially the visually longer one of line three because-- it just feels right, or in this case it feels just right.

For me the inevitable odor of artificiality in this form began with the choice of flight for the rhyme of line four. Sure, I get it, I can make the poetic extension routinely. But it is here I feel the author made a choice cowed by the form. Now the form is difficult, mighty difficult, but it is not that difficult nor the most restrictive I have worked in. Now, if flight had a more intimate connection thematically to the poem, then it could have been the right choice. The best suggestion here, I believe, is a new word, since you lose nothing later in the poem by this amendment.

You are strapped with a strong pen, so the poem made several comebacks. Tercets three and four are both to my liking. You are thinking over Yes/No's concern.

Age has taught me that sometimes the tiniest tweaks can perform unexpected miracles to poems. A vast amount of age went into learning this. My next high school reunion is booked for two booths at Denny's. The way my classmates keep appearing in obituaries, I will not be surprised if it is down to two stools by the time of the big event.

[DieterM]

Wouldn't dream of writing such a thing, me! Much too hard, too much effort for lazy me ;-) But you did it, and it flows lightly. Speaking of "lightly", maybe "alight" could do a good job in line 4 instead of "take flight"? Just a suggestion, not to be taken into account by any means—you know me. My standard is always "like" / "like not", and this is definitely "like".

[desiresjab]

Wouldn't dream of writing such a thing, me! Much too hard, too much effort for lazy me ;-) But you did it, and it flows lightly. Speaking of "lightly", maybe "alight" could do a good job in line 4 instead of "take flight"? Just a suggestion, not to be taken into account by any means—you know me. My standard is always "like" / "like not", and this is definitely "like".

Welcome back. How was Paris, Texas?

Hawk's poetry is good enough that it makes us feel like Ezra Pound.

Now I myself must leave for a few days on similar business to yours in Texas. Perhaps we can get back to poetry publishing business then, if we have any.

[Hawkman]

Dieter, thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it. I try to write one every so often just to practice the form. I don't like them much, but one day, I'll produce one I'm proud of. ;)

tS: yes, I'm sure you would be far more refined in your poetic efforts! Lol. Oh well, I'm probably channelling JB :devil:

Thanks to all who read and comment.

Live ad be well - H