Retirement

[Hawkman]

Abandoned,
listing in the mud,
the rent within her side
is hidden from the questing sun.

Mastless,
curling paint still green,
but dry and brittle as autumn leaves
flaking from the tree-wrought hull.

Forlornly
from the wheelhouse roof
a remnant of a guardrail juts
sky blue, where yet untouched by rust

Rope,
frayed as matted cobweb,
sickly hangs from algoid planks
wind-dancing in decay with rotting wood.

Wheelhouse
window smashed to frosted beads
still clinging to the central frame,
but only empty sockets left elsewhere.

Dignity.
Letters proudly stencilled,
brown as old dry blood
defiantly at odds with fate. A name.

[YesNo]

A rather negative view on retirement, but perhaps how many see it until they get used to it.

[Lokasenna]

I love the form you've used here, and this is replete with some powerful images. I particularly love the image of autumn leaves on the 'tree-wrought' hull.

[JonathanManley]

Really enjoyed reading this

[Delta40]

In a time where retirement is supposed to be exciting you expose its crushing brutal truth.

[Hawkman]

Y/N & Delta: Of course, the question is, whether retirement or redundancy is really the issue? To be forcibly retired, neglected, stripped and left to rot, is a fate I'd only wish on a politician. Unfortunately, most of them get paid vast amounts of money and are showered with undeserved honours. God rot 'em. Anyway, Thanks for reading and leaving a note to say you had. :)

Loki & JM: thanks for stopping by, and especially for enjoying.

Live and be well - H

[DieterM]

powerful images indeed, dear H., and even though the overall impression when reading was one of rot and decay, I still couldn't help but feeling something strong and positive vibrating between the lines.

[Hawkman]

Hi Dieter, thanks for reading. Well, I don't know what the strong positive something that vibrates between the lines might be... A certain je ne sais quoi, perhaps? ;)

Anyway, glad you liked it.

Live and be well - H

[DieterM]

Must be a certain je ne sais quoi, no doubt there ;-) no, seriously, under the grimy-rotting-sad-decaying surface of your words, there was something speaking to me of strength, of "I'm still standing", of "throw me like a used hankie as much as you like but I'll not be overcome", you know what I mean? you tried to paint a sad and forlorn picture an succeeded, yet there's this power and strength underneath that spoke ever more strongly to me. I don't know if I make myself quite clear here, I'm a very poor critic, but what counts in the end is what the reader gets out a poem, isn't it? And I did get out these two strings for myself.

[Hawkman]

Thanks Dieter.

Certainly, the use of language is robust, and "dignity," the word defiantly at odds with fate, will give that impression. So, the tension between soggy decay and strength is fairly dynamic in the structure. But there is only oblivion in the offing for this neglected hulk, I fear. All around the shoreline, the jutting ribs of decommissioned fishing boats poke up through the primordial stinking silt of the creek.

Live and be well - H

[Snowqueen]

Hi Hawk.
Great poem with powerful images of a ruined ship neglected by the world, but caught your attention i guess.
I really liked the last stanza. It beautifully sums up the poem.

[Hawkman]

Hi Snowy,

you know, I can remember when the local harbour was full of fishing boats, and the fish market on the quay actually sold fish. It's a gift arcade now. The harbour is full of sailing yachts, motor boats and cabin cruisers. Oh well. At least it doesn't smell of fish any more. Many of the old fishing boats are rotting in creeks now. This poem just describes a single hulk.

How do I do it? Good question. I just went for a walk, took a few pics and then the poem came. Doesn't happen very often, not these days. Still, it was nice to blow the cobwebs off the inkwell :D

Thanks for stopping by to read it. Live and be well - H

[AuntShecky]

I've been away from everything except doctor's offices lately, so forgive the late response.

I like this one, mainly for its form in that it goes beyond mere description. It poses speculation about the nature of vessels,
whether giving them names, bios, and hence personal histories, endows them with "souls." Really remarkable one here, Hawk.

[Hawkman]

Hi, Auntie

Good to see you out and about. :)

Oh, no question about the soul thing. It's the slaughtered maiden who imparts it, at the launch, when her blood is poured all over the prow! Either that, or when you want to sail an armada against Troy, you have to sacrifice your daughter to appease Artemis. However, you may only be required to do this if you've knocked over a deer. ;)

Of course, there is always a danger that your wife and her lover will murder you when you get home. And then you will have to be avenged by your other children. Anyway, you end up with a really disfunctional family...

Probably best to stick to champagne.

Live and be well - H

[desiresjab]

Very nice. Strong imagery has its own way of doing things. The title opens up reflections the good reader will open up anyway. It would work equally well with an imagistic title like An Old Boat, which is a good sign. That old boat is the fate of all of us, really, who made it this far.