Mister Grumblebum

[MystyrMystyry]

Mister Grumblebum wakes on the wrong side of the bed
Mister Grumblebum he has a pain inside his head
Covered in a rash he is, something made him itch
Electrocutes himself mildy on the broken lightswitch

He goes into the kitchen, and of course complains
'You forgot to buy the aspirin,' the empty shelf explains
He catches his finger in the slamming cupboard door
And with that does he emit the most deafening roar

He stubs his toe upon the leg of a wooden chair
And in the fridge does he catch his tangled hair
He slips on the puddle from his leaky dog
And sprains his back upon landing nothing like a frog

Not a good day to be around Mister Grumblebum
His usual behavior multiplied to a considerable sum
Keep away from him all day due to his mood
Instead go to a restaurant and eat some lovely food

Mister Grumblebum on the wrong side of the bed he wakes
Mister Grumblebum the pain inside his head it aches
All over his body covered in an unsightly sore
If you see him approaching run away

Don't stop

Run some more

[YesNo]

It looks like he had a bad day. I liked the advice to "run some more" at the end.

[kingdavid]

'"you forgot to buy the aspirin' the empty shelf explains" is a phenomenal line. Some of the other ones are slightly awkward in their wording such as "and with that does he emit". It's a shift in the language that isn't quite at home with the rest of the work. "keep away from him all day due to his mood" sounds incomplete because of the number of syllables, its a few shorter than the rest of the rhythm. There are a few other lines with this problem, but this is the most obvious one. Other than those minor setbacks you've got something on your hands here. The imagery is good, it feels very much like a children's book. good work

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks very muchly YesNo :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks kingdavid :)

I agree that things can always be improved, but sometimes a faulty rhythm is to emphasize the faulty story