Now You See Me!

[DonMany]

Now you see me taking pills
That weren't prescribed for me
Then I'll take some Methadone
It'll be marvelous you see
I'll fly real high and feel real good
and see things others won't
Oh s*&t, I've taken too much
Now you see me, now you don't.

[YesNo]

Nice metrical poem. The "you see" part seemed weak in the fourth line although the concept of seeing comes again later in the last line and was introduced in the first.

[kingdavid]

I'm a fan, and I like the contrast of the playful words with the bleak subject, but it takes away from the honesty I look for in works like this. That's not to say that you can't write an honest poem with a playful attitude about overdosing, it just feels like this one is more from a spectator rather than someone actually fearful of dying from their addiction. It has the bones of being that, it just needs the spine of honesty to stand it all up.