Clean and Humorous Jokes

[YALASH]

Peace be on you.
You are welcome to write clean jokes here.

Once upon a time when bicycle was a new addition to the world, only rich could have it. A wealthy person bought a bicycle for his son. The boy learned how to ride and started to practice. One day he went far away from home and passed by a village and waved hand to villagers.

The villagers thought some kind of supernatural thing has caught the boy and he is kicking violently to get rid of it and also asking for help. They took rods and whatever and ran to save the boy.

The boy, when saw people with rods, paddled more and more, the villagers ran faster and faster. Eventually they caught the afreet and boy was rescued.

[YALASH]

Guest: What is your father doing inside?
Little boy: Waiting for you to go.


Mother: Were questions difficult in exam?
Child: No but answers were difficult to write.


A politician was making a long speech, his eyes were closed and voice was very high, he was charged with emotions. One of his helper began to beat a drum. The politician was annoyed and asked him to stop it. The helper said, 'everyone is sleeping, we have to wake them up.'

Politician: Why those few people did not sleep? They are the faithful ones.
Helper: No sir, they are waiting you stop the speech, they will take the chairs and other items back to the owner.



Police officer chased a speeding car, the driver had gone through many red lights too.

Eventually car stopped.

Officer (a male) : Why did you do all this?
Driving man: I did not do anything wrong Madame. You can ask my wife, sitting on next seat.

Woman: Sir! excuse him, when he forgets his eye glasses and license at home, he argues like that.

[YALASH]

A friend: Can you understand English.
The other friend: Yes, if it is written in French.


Buyer: You are telling me price of this horse too much. It does not seems to be loyal either.
Seller: It is quite faithful, I have sold it ten times but it always came back.


Health Week Poster
Boil all food before eating.
(the ice too).


He is fond of getting education.
How do you know?
He spends two or three year in one class.

[YesNo]

A friend: Can you understand English.
The other friend: Yes, if it is written in French.

He is fond of getting education.
How do you know?
He spends two or three year in one class.


I liked these two the best.

[YALASH]

Thanks @ YesNo for kindness.

Scenario:
If a doctor becomes film-maker, he or she may have names of films like:
Healing wounds
Odorless Ointments
The first aid box without syringes
Life and Liver
Free checks - free cheques.
Infections and Herbs.
Pathies: Homeo, Alo and tele
Aloe Vera and Baldness
Unreadable prescriptions
Counter-less prescription
Multipurpose prescriptions: get medicine and use as gate-pass.
Doctors dislike apples
Long hands of Pharma-companies


Father (believes in too much saving): Son are you reading something.
Son: No.
Father: Then why you are wearing glasses, take them off. You waste much, I fear some day you might become bankrupt.


Patient on next visit: I am taking tablets for energy, but I am becoming weaker.
Doctor: Perhaps your diet is not proper.
Patient: Was I to eat food too, in addition to tablets?

[YALASH]

A person saw a mirror and said: Oh I have seen this face somewhere before.
Thinking hard: where? where? where did I see it?
.....
O yes, I saw it while sitting at barber's place!

[YALASH]

A junior school teacher was explaining about electricity:
Teacher: I turned the switch on, but the fan blades did not rotate, what may be the reason?
Student: You did not pay the electric bill.

[YALASH]

To get rid of small kitchen-cockroaches.
These are small insects, they are seen in kitchen around 3 o'clock in night in huge numbers.

We shall tell you one easiest way to get rid of them. It is all free.

Please have some patience.

No, we are not selling any online product and none of our operator is waiting for your calls. There is no button to press. There is no eBook either. We are booking nothing. No few last items left.

If you google History of small kitchen cockroaches, you will have lot of knowledge about this little creature. Surprisingly these cockroaches have reached wiki too. Control is discussed there too.


Beware these things are very resilient.


If you have tried and tired of sms texts and text books about their extermination, try our free method.

After you clean your kitchen at night, wait for your oven's top rounded burners to be fully cool and cover them with right sized inverted bowls (plastic or metal).....When all methods (baking soda, ..........etc) failed, it worked.

[YALASH]

A young man came home very tired and exhausted.
His mother brought cold drink and asked if there was lot of work at office.
The son: Our computer broke down, we had to do our own thinking.

[YesNo]

Nice one about the computer breaking down. I could probably say the same thing if the dishwasher broke at home.

[YALASH]

Nice one about the computer breaking down. I could probably say the same thing if the dishwasher broke at home.

Thanks.

===

When was you born?
I was born in 1900 A.D.
A.D.?
Yes, A.D. ...After Daniel -- my elder brother.


Mother: There is vast real world out there besides Social Media and SMSs.
Child: Really, what is its link?

[YALASH]

Age Effects:
As child, he said:
"My toys are everywhere, I do not need to remember their place in cupboard."

Years after:
"I forget where my things are. My memory is not sharp as it used to be. And I must tell you that my memory is not sharp as it used to be."


Quick fixes
For wrinkles: See without glasses.
To ring the bell: Connect two wires (if there is no button).

[YALASH]

Doctor: How are you now?
Patient: Worse than before.

Did you take medicine?
Yes, I took it from you.

No, I mean, did you put it in mouth?
No, I put it in refrigerator when I took it home.

You was supposed to put in mouth and swallow, three times a day.
Before eating food or after?

Either way, just complete the course and see me latter.
Which course? Am I supposed to read some books too?

No, by course I mean, the prescribed amount of medicine in five days.
Ok, thanks.

Have a good day. Come back.
Knock, knock.... I returned, Is there any other medicine for me?

...
...

...
...



Teacher: What do you know scientists of 18 century A.D.
Little Boy: They all have passed away.

[YALASH]

A person ordered food in a restaurant.
He began to eat.
After a while he felt, there were some students-like young people and some older people at far tables, all were staring him.

He called the manager and told him what he was feeling.

After some hesitation, manager disclosed:
Sir we buy prepared food from a nearby cooking-school. The food you are eating was prepared by these students. Their teachers are present too. All are staring at you from distance to see how much you like the food, or does not like at all. Or what happens to you after you finish the meal.
Then they will have their grades.

Bon appetit!





From the time, the rich man has gone bankrupt, half of his friend do not recognize him anymore.
What about other half of them?
The news has not reached them yet.

[YALASH]

Child: Father can you write in dark?
Father: Yes.
Child: Then please sign my grade-report from school without turning the lights on.


A: Do you want to hear a Potassium joke?
B:K


A:What did you learn new in school today?
B: Pi r square.
A: But pies are usually round.

[pathrunnerDicke]

A man goes to a butcher and purchases a cross rib loin. He has the butcher cut the loin into 7 large steaks.
A couple of days later the man purchases another loin and again has it cut into 7 pieces.
A few more days later the man comes in and has the butcher cut up a chicken into 13 pieces.
The butcher asks the man if he has a specific recipe that requires 13 pieces of chicken.
The man replies "I only eat prime cuts of meat."