First Poem Try on This Site Enjoy, I know im pretty bad

[JasonEB]

I am always told the same thing,
I am always dictated that I need to change,
I am always screamed at to become different,
I am always afraid of those who say the word friend.

What is this feeling?
What is making me this way?
What is scaring me beyond doubt?
Why me?!

My eyes are shut to the world,
My mouth is closed to people around me,
My ears are deaf to those who hurt me,
My body can’t feel any of what they do.

I am scared,
I am stuck in this,
I am alone,
I am not escaping,
I am doomed.

What are you saying?
I am always by you.
You are not doomed.
WE are not doomed.

You are not me,
You never will be,
You stay away from me,
You who speak with my face.

What do we have to fear?
You are going to escape.

Who says we will let him escape?
We need him to fade for us.

There is too much pain, I can’t last,
There is too much sorrow, I can’t stay resolute,
There is too much fury, I can’t flee,
There is too much loneliness, I can’t outrun myself.

Don’t run from yourself, don’t fear,
Stay strong, defeat your enemies.

He can’t, he loves them,
He can’t, he is a coward,
He can’t, he is nothing,
He can’t, without us.

I do love those who hurt me most,
I do hate that I can’t fight back,
I do wish my hubris would shatter me,
I do plead to fade into desolation.

You want to fade?
You want to lose this?

He is giving us our hope,
Destroy. Fight. Conquer. Die
Take this, his life, from him.
Bring him to his knees.

Bend his will.
End this pathetic life.
Remove him from his sorrow.
Let me take him.

[YesNo]

It sounds as if you are talking to yourself. But if that is the case, it makes me wonder who the "me" is in the last line who will take "him".

[Lokasenna]

First off, don't put yourself down! We're all on a learning curve - whether just starting out, or with oodles of publications to our name.

As for the poem, I read it as a sort of internal dialogue between bits of the self, so I wasn't struck with YesNo's confusion. There's some excellent imagery here (the stanza beginning 'I do love those', for example). I do wonder whether the back-and-forth dialogue becomes a little formulaic - it's a nice conceit, but perhaps overplayed in a poem of this length. Perhaps another thematic or stylistic strand could be incorporated to complement it?

Also, I'm wondering whether the poem is perhaps a touch too angsty?

[tonywalt]

I like Confessional stuff, I've got to admit. Liked it, keeps one reading.

[Jerrybaldy]

it reads like what you felt at the time. So transitional. Feel you may have awoken in the morning and moved on.