Wanting

[Delta40]

Your crackless heart suits
yellowed walls while I suck in
chary breath and ponder
colours, schemes and futures.
It will soon be time to withdraw
to the garden where exotic fronds
and rainforest niches
languish in the drought.
Such mutinous weather forces
my hands to curl, clench, thrash,
as you press your lips against
my breast
hoping against fortune
lightning will burn the brier
of our heated tangle.
But I know you too can hear
the hollow, forsaken gong
echoing from within.

[Jonfischer]

I like this. Very vivd imagery; particularly the first two lines.

[virtuoso]

This is a riveting poem, sir Delta. Why not much fanfare from the literary audience; I do not know. I do think that 'dresses' or 'coats' would sound better than 'suits'. Also, the subject-verb agreement is wrong in line 9. It should be "forces" not "force". A few, small quibbles with an enchanting poem. It is so enthralling to see a dreamer 's world occluded and ensconced by a weary fatalist. I love the tepid imagery. You are doing some of your best writing in the last month or so. I hope you continue your rampage!

[Delta40]

Virtuoso I cannot use dresses or coats because it will alter the meaning, albeit very slightly, of my original intent. They are however creative suggestions. Thanks for your thoughtful review and I wonder whether the weary fatalist can rampage!

[YesNo]

The "crackless heart" at the beginning and "forsaken gong" at the end seem to me to be well positioned in this poem. I hope it rains for your garden's sake.

[Andrea Michelle]

Lovely imagery! You use such strong words; it really gives the piece a nice punch. :)