Biggus
01-15-2016, 07:26 AM
WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 5
We requested a twin bed room
But we ended up with a king size
As a result my wife is pregnant
So that was a nice holiday surprise
FOGHORN LEGHORN CROSSED THE ROAD
Foghorn Leghorn crossed the road
And without a pause for dossing
He immediately returned again
Because he was double-crossing
THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 2
The president of Chess Club
Was toying with his bishop
Then his mum walked in
And told him he had to stop
IN THE BURNS NIGHT RAFFLE
In the Burns Night Raffle, first prize
Was very highly sought after
For it allowed the winner to pass
On the haggis at the Burns Night Supper
ST PATRICK'S DAY PICK UP # 2
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“Do you have any Irish in you?”
Ask her, on St Patrick's Day
And if she answers no, reply
“Do you want some today?”
AN ENGLISHMAN WALKED INTO A PUB
An Englishman walked into a pub
But something was definitely up
There were no Irish, Welsh or Scots
Because they were still in the cup
I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO FIND PRAWN BREAD
I haven’t been able to find prawn bread
I have searched from coast to coast
So what I really want to know now is
How on earth do they make prawn toast
THE RUSSIAN AIRFORCE ARE FIRING
The Russian Airforce are firing
Amazon missiles at Syria
They are so called as they keep
Being left with a neighbour
ARE YOU WEARING BEER GOGGLES?
Are you wearing beer goggles?
That’s a definite I reckon
Because I look like Iain Dowie
But you see David Beckham
EVERY CHILD WILL AT SOME TIME
Every child will at some time
Threaten to run away
And that hope keeps parents
Going day to day
We requested a twin bed room
But we ended up with a king size
As a result my wife is pregnant
So that was a nice holiday surprise
FOGHORN LEGHORN CROSSED THE ROAD
Foghorn Leghorn crossed the road
And without a pause for dossing
He immediately returned again
Because he was double-crossing
THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 2
The president of Chess Club
Was toying with his bishop
Then his mum walked in
And told him he had to stop
IN THE BURNS NIGHT RAFFLE
In the Burns Night Raffle, first prize
Was very highly sought after
For it allowed the winner to pass
On the haggis at the Burns Night Supper
ST PATRICK'S DAY PICK UP # 2
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“Do you have any Irish in you?”
Ask her, on St Patrick's Day
And if she answers no, reply
“Do you want some today?”
AN ENGLISHMAN WALKED INTO A PUB
An Englishman walked into a pub
But something was definitely up
There were no Irish, Welsh or Scots
Because they were still in the cup
I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO FIND PRAWN BREAD
I haven’t been able to find prawn bread
I have searched from coast to coast
So what I really want to know now is
How on earth do they make prawn toast
THE RUSSIAN AIRFORCE ARE FIRING
The Russian Airforce are firing
Amazon missiles at Syria
They are so called as they keep
Being left with a neighbour
ARE YOU WEARING BEER GOGGLES?
Are you wearing beer goggles?
That’s a definite I reckon
Because I look like Iain Dowie
But you see David Beckham
EVERY CHILD WILL AT SOME TIME
Every child will at some time
Threaten to run away
And that hope keeps parents
Going day to day