Biggus
01-12-2016, 09:28 AM
WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 4
When we were on holiday
We went swimming in the sea
No-one said there would be fish
The kids found it very scary
FOGHORN LEGHORN WENT TO TOWN
Foghorn Leghorn went to town
On the bus with the other day trippers
But not to sight see, he went to KFC
Because of the chicken strippers
THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 1
The president of Chess Club
Was rushed into moving his pawn
When he heard his mum planned
To search his bedroom at dawn
ANIMAL RIGHTS PROTESTORS
Animal rights protestors
The animal lovers, self-styled
Broke into a specialist farm
Releasing the haggis to the wild
ST PATRICK'S DAY PICK UP # 1
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“Do you have any Irish in you?”
Ask her, on St Patrick's Day
And if she answers yes, reply
“You can have some more today”
HAVING + 1 CHANNELS
If you are going to have + 1 channels
There should be a – 1 for everyone
Which would automatically allow
The likely mistake to be easily undone
WHEN MUM TOLD ME THAT MASTURBATING
When mum told me that masturbating
Caused serious eye defects
I made the decision that I would stop
But not until I needed specs
AT WORK IT WAS THE BIRTHDAY
At work it was the birthday
Of a colleague that no one can abide
The card we got was perfect for her
Because it was blank inside
MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME
“My husband makes love to me
Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”
She boasted to her peers
“So it’s once every four year”
SOMETIMES I THINK I’LL BE A MALE STRIPPER
Sometimes I think I’ll be a male stripper
Be bold and take a chance
But then I remember I’m really fat
And I can’t actually dance
When we were on holiday
We went swimming in the sea
No-one said there would be fish
The kids found it very scary
FOGHORN LEGHORN WENT TO TOWN
Foghorn Leghorn went to town
On the bus with the other day trippers
But not to sight see, he went to KFC
Because of the chicken strippers
THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 1
The president of Chess Club
Was rushed into moving his pawn
When he heard his mum planned
To search his bedroom at dawn
ANIMAL RIGHTS PROTESTORS
Animal rights protestors
The animal lovers, self-styled
Broke into a specialist farm
Releasing the haggis to the wild
ST PATRICK'S DAY PICK UP # 1
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“Do you have any Irish in you?”
Ask her, on St Patrick's Day
And if she answers yes, reply
“You can have some more today”
HAVING + 1 CHANNELS
If you are going to have + 1 channels
There should be a – 1 for everyone
Which would automatically allow
The likely mistake to be easily undone
WHEN MUM TOLD ME THAT MASTURBATING
When mum told me that masturbating
Caused serious eye defects
I made the decision that I would stop
But not until I needed specs
AT WORK IT WAS THE BIRTHDAY
At work it was the birthday
Of a colleague that no one can abide
The card we got was perfect for her
Because it was blank inside
MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME
“My husband makes love to me
Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”
She boasted to her peers
“So it’s once every four year”
SOMETIMES I THINK I’LL BE A MALE STRIPPER
Sometimes I think I’ll be a male stripper
Be bold and take a chance
But then I remember I’m really fat
And I can’t actually dance