The Oak and Ash

[Dark Muse]

There was a light
within your eyes
like the rain which
fell upon the graves
we dug with mud-caked
fingernails.

Here we bury
our hearts away,
beneath a moonless
sky.

I trace the map
upon your skin,
etched deeper
than ink.

The scent
of your smoke
will linger in my hair
for years and years.

I breathe you in
with the dust,
you taste of earth
and ocean salt.

When the time comes
before the early morning
light, when Dawn is newly born,
still opening her eyes
we will find our way.

Where our hearts
still beat within the ground,
the Oak and the Ash
have grown together
in a strange still dance.

There may be death
beneath our feet,
but our fingers are feathers
taking flight,
we build our nests
between arms outreached
interlocking limbs.

[YesNo]

I liked the last stanza the best. With the prospect of death beneath their feet they still build closely together.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[Mohammad Ahmad]

I liked the notion in these verses:
The scent
of your smoke
will linger in my hair
for years and years.

But I breathe you in
with the dust,
you taste of earth
and ocean salt.
The scent of his smoke isn't able to find a trail neither in soul or in a body but others sensible or insensible things as fingerprint have been engraved really the scent of dust as our origin the human is the Dust and the salty region
(Salt and dust) can help each other to embody a good picturesque of non worldly lovers

[tailor STATELY]

Enjoyed very much.

A few minor suggestions:

"I trace the map" >> I trace a map. I also would have liked to see this stanza expanded just a bit more.

"But I breathe you in">>As I breathe you in

"flight, and we build our nests ">>flight;"we build our nests"

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Dark Muse]

Enjoyed very much.

A few minor suggestions:

"I trace the map" >> I trace a map. I also would have liked to see this stanza expanded just a bit more.

"But I breathe you in">>As I breathe you in

"flight, and we build our nests ">>flight;"we build our nests"

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

Thank you for your comments and suggestions.

I debated with myself over "the map and "a map" the reason why I tended toward using "the" is because it is meant to connect to the stanza above, and the map being drawn is the map leading to where the hearts are being buried. I thought using "the" would suggest that it is a specific map not just a map in general. " a map" I thought might make it sound too general.

If any of that makes sense.

[tailor STATELY]

Ah, yes. I see it now.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY