Biggus
10-26-2015, 05:04 AM
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN CARDIGAN?
Are you wearing a Halloween Cardigan?
A cardigan? On all hallows eve
A “cardie” doesn’t say “night of the dead”
So I don’t think you really believe
WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 9
When we were on holiday
My wife was bitten by a mosquito
Nowhere in the brochure
Did it mention mosquitoes
THEY’VE STARTED A BREEDING PROGRAM
They’ve started a breeding program
At our local petting zoo
But visitors are worried it will
Become a heavy petting zoo
I WAS HANGING OUT BY THE POOL
I was hanging out by the pool
When I was on holiday in Spain
But someone kindly let me know
So I tucked it back in again
MARRIAGE IS LIKE A PACK OF CARDS
Marriage is like a pack of cards
For when the first deal is made
All you need is a couple of Hearts
And a Diamond to make the grade
But by the end of the endeavour
You will want a Club and a Spade
I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A WICCAN GIRL
I lost my virginity to a Wiccan girl
Who was a scrawny little witch
With the reputation for being
A bit of a thorny little *****
She mellowed to me in my bed
And I was left with a horny itch
MY DOG BIT ME ON THE NUTS
My dog bit me on the nuts
When I accidentally kicked her
My wife said it was karma
But I thought she was crosser
SHE WAS SO DRUNK AT THE PARTY
She was so drunk at the party
When her period came on
She mistakenly used a party popper
Instead of a tampon
WHEN I SAW MY WIFE’S BOTOX BILL
When I saw my wife’s Botox bill
I couldn’t believe my eyes
I pointed it out to my wife
But she didn’t look surprised
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN WAISTCOAT?
Are you wearing a Halloween waistcoat?
Oh I like the way the buttons glow
And the whole thing luminesces
It really is very Edgar Allan Poe
Are you wearing a Halloween Cardigan?
A cardigan? On all hallows eve
A “cardie” doesn’t say “night of the dead”
So I don’t think you really believe
WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 9
When we were on holiday
My wife was bitten by a mosquito
Nowhere in the brochure
Did it mention mosquitoes
THEY’VE STARTED A BREEDING PROGRAM
They’ve started a breeding program
At our local petting zoo
But visitors are worried it will
Become a heavy petting zoo
I WAS HANGING OUT BY THE POOL
I was hanging out by the pool
When I was on holiday in Spain
But someone kindly let me know
So I tucked it back in again
MARRIAGE IS LIKE A PACK OF CARDS
Marriage is like a pack of cards
For when the first deal is made
All you need is a couple of Hearts
And a Diamond to make the grade
But by the end of the endeavour
You will want a Club and a Spade
I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A WICCAN GIRL
I lost my virginity to a Wiccan girl
Who was a scrawny little witch
With the reputation for being
A bit of a thorny little *****
She mellowed to me in my bed
And I was left with a horny itch
MY DOG BIT ME ON THE NUTS
My dog bit me on the nuts
When I accidentally kicked her
My wife said it was karma
But I thought she was crosser
SHE WAS SO DRUNK AT THE PARTY
She was so drunk at the party
When her period came on
She mistakenly used a party popper
Instead of a tampon
WHEN I SAW MY WIFE’S BOTOX BILL
When I saw my wife’s Botox bill
I couldn’t believe my eyes
I pointed it out to my wife
But she didn’t look surprised
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN WAISTCOAT?
Are you wearing a Halloween waistcoat?
Oh I like the way the buttons glow
And the whole thing luminesces
It really is very Edgar Allan Poe